Corrupted Lives
by edwardlovesbellaforever
Summary: EB AU/AH/OOC When Bella discovers devastating news about Edward's past, she's not sure how to continue on with her life normally. Especially since Edward is her life. Now, Bella must ask herself how far she's willing to go to save the man she loves.
1. Prologue

*****PLEASE READ AUTHOR'S NOTE BEFORE CONTINUING*****

**A/N: O****kay, everyone! Here I am** **with yet another story. Forbidden Romance is going great, and I have it all mapped out on how I want it to end so don't worry about me neglecting that story. I love my readers so much, and I want to make sure all of you who have enjoyed my previous stories remain entertained. I have a couple of things that you should know about this one though.**

**First of all, I've been on Fanfiction long enough to realize that some readers are very sensitive when it comes to remaining true to the traits and qualities that Stephenie has given her characters. So I'm warning you now this is OOC. Some of the things I will have these characters do would never ever ever happen in the Twilight world. And one thing I really don't want is to offend anyone in any way.**

**It might seem a little disturbing at parts that may be uncomfortable for some of you to read. It shouldn't be too bad, but I'm just warning anyone who doesn't like even the slightest bit of detailed sexual content or other mature themes. ****Also, like my two other stories, this is AU and All human. No surprise there, but I wanted to make sure that was out in the open.**

**This is just the prologue so it's really short, but please leave me a review when you've finished reading. If I don't get enough feedback, then I'll just get rid of this and try to think of better ideas. So your opinion is crucial to my writing process. Thanks everyone!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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**Prologue**

_Feeling sorrow  
For all the things you had to steal and borrow.  
Bring back the days we had before tomorrow  
Relapse and then collapse into yourself once more.  
Waiting for this life to change seems like it's taking me forever  
And I can't hold on. This light is breaking into the day  
This life is going to change seems like it's taking me forever  
And I can't hold on. This light is breaking into the day_

It's no mystery why the waiting room is called the _waiting room_. Because that's all you can do: wait and sit and stand and wait some more. You're filled with nothing but anxiety while you remain in the white area, tapping your foot nervously and sawing the tips of your nails off with your teeth. You're surrounded by a crowd of strangers who are doing the same thing as you; waiting and waiting and waiting. Nobody speaks to each other. In fact, people normally try to avoid eye contact with another person for as long as possible. No one wants to see the fear shaped in the eyes of someone else. It only makes the pain you feel worse.

This wasn't supposed to be this way. This unfamiliarity mixed with lost hope was too much. There was no gesture or act that could possibly help me, or the others right now. No words or motions could make this waiting go any quicker. I was so lost and so afraid, and I wasn't sure if I could take anymore of this. I didn't know how long Alice had been holding me in her arms while I sobbed, but I honestly didn't care. My world seemed like it was over now.

Alice's fragile fingers stroked my back, trying to ease the pain I was feeling. But that was next to impossible. There was nothing anyone could do to make this okay. Because it wasn't. It would never be. Not unless _he_ was okay. My tears were seeping deep down into the thin material of Alice's bright red top, leaving a giant wet spot behind. She didn't seem to mind though so I didn't make an attempt to remove myself.

Rosalie had her arm draped over Alice's shoulder the last time I checked. But that could have been hours ago. I didn't know nor did I care. My family and his family were settled in the lobby of the hospital, awaiting the time when someone would come to tell us the results of the surgery. But it was taking so long, and I was so tired. We'd been here practically all night, but I didn't want to sleep. If I missed even the slightest detail, I knew none of them would wake me. So I forced myself to stay awake even if the tears spilling from my eyes were telling me that it was time to sleep.

"Excuse me," a deep voice interrupted. "Mr. and Mrs. Cullen?"

Immediately, I yanked myself up from Alice's hold and stood along with Esme and Carlisle. Emmett placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed as if he were trying to relax my tense state. I placed my hand over his, thanking him with my tear-filled eyes. Jasper was now holding Alice who seemed to be falling apart. She hadn't cried this whole time, but I knew it would be too soon when she lost it all. Rosalie leaned against the wall, biting her lip nervously while my mother and father sat anxiously in the uncomfortable chairs staring at the doctor who had just made his arrival.

This was it.

"I have the results," was all he said.

And just like that, I felt my whole world change forever...

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**A/N: I know it's not much, but it is only the prologue so don't worry; my other chapters will be much longer. So was this enough to leave you wanting more? I sure hope so! Let me know by clicking the big button down there. You don't even need to be a member to leave me nice reviews! **


	2. Chapter 1 Iris

**A/N: Wow! Lots of feedback for just the prologue! Thanks you guys! You're really awesome! I love that you guys have already began speculating as to what is going on, and I'm really hoping you guys will enjoy the drama that I'm going to take you toward with this story.**

**I hope you guys enjoy this one. This chapter is called Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. Hopefully, you guys enjoy this one as much as my other two. I'm having a lot of fun writing it. Please leave me a review when you've finished reading.**

**Summary: They'd known each other practically their entire lives, and they were in love. They knew that one day they'd be married with a family. They were supposed to be together forever. But what if forever is coming sooner than they expected? ExB AU OOC ALL HUMAN!**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to the beloved author of the Twilight saga, Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing!**

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**Chapter 1- Iris **

_And I'd give up forever to touch you,  
Cause I know that you feel the same now.  
You're the closest heaven that I'll ever be,  
And I don't want to go home right now.  
And all I can taste is this moment,  
And all I can breathe is your life,  
And sooner or later it's over,  
I just don't want to miss you tonight._

**Bella's POV**

I snaked my arms around his neck, burying my hands deep into his hair. His lips burned when they touched mine, leaving a tingling sensation behind when he trailed them down my throat. He ran his hands up my thighs, squeezing them roughly while he did so. I loved the feeling of his rippling back muscles under my fingertips. Although blue fabric covered them, I could touch the powerfully built form he had.

Edward Cullen was perfect.

Any time he spoke, my heart thudded, and butterflies began to have the time of there lives inside of my stomach. The way his fingers seemed to caress my skin sent my sensibility into overdrive. He had bronze, tousled hair that always seemed like a mess with prominent cheek bones and pale, alabaster skin. His emerald green eyes bored into mine every time he looked at me, making my breathing become hitched in my throat. His body was like a Greek god with the chiseled abs and strong arms. There wasn't a single part of him that wasn't wonderful.

A smirk tilted the corner of his lips upward while he kept them pressed against my throat, and I found myself reciprocating the smile. He leaned the lower half of his body forward, pressing it into my thigh, allowing me to feel how aroused he was. It was shocking that I could turn him on when I never saw anything that special about myself. He continuously told me that I didn't see myself the way he did.

His lips dragged over my jaw while he sucked at my skin with a hunger that was sensual. There was always a fire and electricity building between us in moments like this. And I loved every second of it. I opened my eyes for a second to see his wondrous face, and damn was he beautiful. His eyelashes seemed to go on forever while his pink lips looked fierce and plump.

Edward's back hit the ceiling of the Jeep when he fixed his position over my body so he was more comfortable. Sometimes, I wondered if he just borrowed this Jeep from his dad because of the way the seats folded down. He had a Volvo, but there really wasn't much room inside of it.

The calloused skin of his fingers trailed up to my breasts over the fabric of my t-shirt, touching and massaging the area. He positioned himself in between my legs, his arousal now rubbing against my core. Edward slipped his tongue into my mouth while a small moan of approval rolled in his throat.

Edward and I had been best friends for as long as I could remember. He moved into the house next door when I was just five years old. Since then, we've been inseparable, and it would take practically the jaws of life to tear us apart. We've went through the embarrassing awkward stages together when I had little buds as breasts, and when his voice was squeaky while his height was three times shorter than mine. We'd been through the adventures of growing up and becoming young adults, and we'd discovered what love truly is.

I loved him more than I loved life itself. And he, the same. I could never imagine spending my life with anyone else other than the man above me. It made no sense to say one of our names without attaching the other to it. We were EdwardandBella. No spaces in between. We may as well have been the same person.

Gently, I pushed back on Edward's chest, trying to get him to sit up. Things were going too far now, and like always, I had to be the one to stop it. Edward was always too eager to continue what we started. When he lifted his head with a frown on his face, I smiled at him. His lips were still shiny and wet from the way our tongues fought with each other. I reached for his hand and laced it with my fingers.

"What's wrong?" he asked, slightly breathless. He brought his lips back down to mine, attacking them with the same intensity as before.

I shoved against his chest again, attempting to get his attention. When his gaze was fixed on me, I spoke. "Do you feel...you know, close to me?" I questioned, rubbing my free hand on the side of his face. A stray hair lingered on his forehead so I brushed it away using my fingertips.

"Oh yeah," he whispered, his breathing deep and heavy. Edward leaned his head back down to press my lips to his again, but I tugged on his hair, halting his actions.

"I don't mean it like that," I corrected. "I guess I just feel like you know me better than my own brother."

Edward smiled and his face turned puzzled due to the furrow in his right eyebrow. "Bella, you don't even have a brother."

I laughed at his peculiar face and grinned. "I know, but if I did, you'd be it."

A wicked grin spread across his perfect face. "Well, thank God that I'm not," he said, bending his face back down to mine.

His lips were almost at mine when I grasped his face and forced him to stay where he was. "Do you ever think of me like that?" I asked. "As a sister?"

Edward shook his head. "Not right now," he said in a frustrated voice. This time I allowed him to bring his lips to mine. "I have never," he kissed me, "ever," and again, "wanted to do this with Alice." I could feel the deep ridge in his pants going soft beneath his jeans, and abruptly he pulled away. "Dammit, now you've got me all freaked out." Edward shuddered once as he rolled off of me.

It might be hard to believe, but throughout this long time that Edward and I had been dating, we haven't had sex yet. I have always been the one to shove him away and tell him that I wasn't ready. He would become frustrated with my refusal to keep going, but Edward respected my decision. And I was grateful for that and his patience. He wasn't like most guys who wanted to jump the gun and get another notch on his belt right away. That's why I loved him. Well, aside from the one time he called me a cocktease. But we won't go there right now.

A small laugh escaped my lips. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking about everything that you and I have been through, and I...I don't know. Never mind. Forget that I even said anything." I ran my hand up the taut muscles of his chest. He smiled and reached for my fingers, kissing each one individually.

I crawled back into his lap, placing my hands on both sides of his face. He cleared his throat once and met my eyes with his green orbs. I lowered my head to his mouth, pressing my lips against his. I moved them slowly over his and let my tongue glide along the gap between his mouth. He tasted like heaven and mints. His tongue darted out and met mine, earning a groan from his lips. His right hand tangled in my brown hair while his other wrapped around my waist, drawing me closer to him.

My hands trailed down to his shoulders, bracing against him. He was submissive to me, but in a pleasing sort of way. Abruptly, I pulled away from him, breathing heavily. "Edward, what time is it?" I asked, my voice slightly frantic.

He pushed me off him so he could see the glowing blue letters in the front of the car. "12:30. Why?" Edward brought his lips back to my neck and sucked my pulse as if it were a lollipop. He let his hands trail down to my butt, grasping it firmly.

"Edward, stop it!" I yelled a bit too harshly. My hands shoved him away, practically throwing his body into the glass of the fogged window. He looked at me with astonishment, his eyes confused and bewildered. I'd never so much as raised my voice with him, let alone shove him away like that. "I'm sorry," I apologized immediately, reaching out for him.

He raised his hands in the air and climbed back toward the front seat. "It's fine. Let me drive you home," he whispered. Edward acted as if my actions hadn't hurt him, but I knew him like I knew the back of my hand. I straightened out my clothes and maneuvered myself into the passenger side of the car.

"I'm sorry, Edward. Really. It's just my dad wanted me home an hour ago. You know how strict he is about my curfew," I told him, reaching for his hand.

Edward sighed and nodded his head, taking my fingers that I'd offered to him. "I know. Don't worry about it. I should have been watching the clock too."

My father always wanted me home early even if it was a Saturday night. He said that nothing good happened as soon as the street lights turned on, and the last thing I wanted to do was get him angry. So I never challenged him whenever he told me the time I was to be home on a specific night. And neither did Edward. He was always nothing but respectful to my father. They rarely talked, but when they did, Edward was more than nice.

The car ride was silent aside from the mellow music of Clair Da Lune playing in the background. Edward was a big fan of the classics, and from being around him so much, I eventually turned into a Debussy listener. He influenced me into a lot of things such as playing the piano. I remember the fights we would get into because of the way I wasn't letting the melody flow from my soul. He told me that I was forcing the music, and it should be relaxed. It was one of the worst battles we'd ever had, but not long after that, we'd made up.

You see, Edward and I could never really stay mad at each other. I considered him my drug. Sometimes, I wanted to quit, but in the end, I craved him relentlessly. And he did too. At night, when my father was asleep, he'd throw pebbles at my window from his bedroom. I'd pretend to be angry with him for waking me, but I was actually pleased that he wanted me to spend the night in his room with him.

I would climb down the garden rack on the side of my house where Edward would meet me halfway. He would give me a boost up toward his bedroom and then follow soon after me. Sometimes, we would talk for hours and tell each other things that nobody knew. And other times, we wouldn't say a word. He'd hold me like I was the greatest thing in the world. His fingers would run up and down my back, sending chills throughout my body.

Finally, we arrived in front of our houses. Mine on the right, his on the left. Edward's home was much larger than mine with its white exterior and large masses of windows. It was hard to believe that our houses were actually placed next to each other. Mine was so...average. There was nothing special about it. Edward's father was a respected doctor though, so he earned a wonderful house.

"Do you want to come to my room tonight or should I go to yours?" Edward asked, shutting off the engine to one of his father's Jeeps.

My eyes darted toward the window that led to the living room. There was a faint light that flashed dimly. I assumed the TV was on which meant that my dad would be up and waiting for me to arrive. "Come to mine. My dad will freak out if he even hears the smallest sound coming from my room. And you're always quieter when you come in."

Edward nodded, leaning forward. "Okay." He pressed his lips to mine, pulling back only an inch. "Sorry for making you late," he whispered against my mouth. "Hopefully, you don't get into too much trouble. If you do, just tell them that it was my fault and that I lost track of time. I'm sure your parents will understand."

"It'll be fine, Edward. Really. Don't beat yourself up over it." I smiled and pressed my lips to his another time. "Hurry up and change so you can come back to me."

He smirked and reached for the handle on his door. "Pushy, pushy."

I opened the passenger side door and stepped out of the huge Jeep. The moon illuminated a shadow on the two of our houses that seemed eery and gave me the creeps. I started to walk toward my house when I felt a familiar hand grip my waist and pull me back toward him. He pushed his mouth onto mine and smiled when he pulled away. "I just had to do that real quick." Faint noises of crickets whispered in the distance while Edward continued to stare deeply into my chocolate orbs. "I'll always love you, Bella. Until the day I die. Forever and day. And I'm going to marry you someday."

The truth of his own words amazed me because I knew that in the near future Edward and I would be married with a family. And I, too, would love him until my last breath. I hugged him close before whispering a goodbye in his ear. I walked slowly up the path toward my house, watching Edward until he entered his. He blew a kiss in my direction and pretended to sling-shot it to me. I raised my hand, acting as if I had caught it and brought my fist to my mouth. Edward grinned once before entering his house.

My gaze turned to the brick of the only home that I've known. I pushed open the front door, knowing for a fact that it was unlocked. It always was when I went out. I shrugged out of my small jacket and hung it up on one of the coat hangers while stepping out of my shoes. The faint glow from the TV shone as I walk toward the living room. Maybe if I was really quiet, then he wouldn't see me walk in.

I tip toed toward the stairs, trying to avoid the squeaking in the wooden floor. I only had several more steps when my father's voice suddenly interrupted my ascend up the stairs. "Hold it right there!" he said as if he were still on duty at the police department.

Quickly, I turned on my heels and raised my hands in the air as if I had done a crime. "Guilty," I stated with a nervous laugh. "You caught me." Apparently, my dad didn't think my act was all that funny. His lips were pursed in a tight line while his arms crossed over his chest. He meant business. Great.

"You're late, Bella," he said matter of factly. "And you weren't answering your cell phone. Your mother and I called you seven times to see where you were. Do you have an explanation for yourself? And it better be a good one, young lady."

I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. "I didn't get any of your calls because I had no signal." Edward had parked his car deep into the forest where majority of teens went when they wanted to do things they weren't supposed to be doing. I thought it would be best to leave that little detail out of my story. "And I was with Edward, and both of us lost track of time. I'm sorry."

Charlie rubbed his face over once as if he were frustrated. "Dammit Bella! You need to be careful with that boy. The two of you spend way too much time together. It's not healthy. What about any of your other friends? Jessica? Lauren? Angela?" he asked, his tone suddenly angry.

"Jessica and Lauren aren't my friends, dad. And I do hang out with other people. Alice and Rose. Does that ring a bell for you?" My tone of voice was completely out of line, and I knew for a fact that my dad would call me out on it.

He took a step forward toward me. "You'd better watch your mouth. And doesn't Alice live with Edward? And isn't Rosalie dating his brother Emmett? Seriously, Bella. You've planned your whole life according to Edward. He's a nice boy, but what happens when the two of you break up?" Charlie pressed.

I shook my head. "Dad, Edward and I have been dating since I was 10 years old. I'm one hundred percent sure we're not going to be breaking up any time soon."

"You're going to college next year, Bella. Your schools will most likely be hundreds of miles away," he told me.

"Dad, you don't know that for sure. Edward and I might go to the same school," I said, then instantly regretted it. I knew what his next words would be.

Charlie flew his hands in the air and gestured to the left where Edward's house was. "See what I mean, Bella? You're planning your life around Edward's. He'll probably be a doctor like Carlisle. What are you going to do? Go to med school with him?" His eyes narrowed at me, cold and frustrated.

_Yes. _I wanted to say it so bad, but I knew that would be crossing the line. I wanted to tell my father that where ever Edward was, then that's where I would be. But I kept my mouth shut instead. There was no need to fight over this with him right now. Edward would be waiting for me anyway.

"Can we please just deal with this in the morning, Dad? I'm exhausted."

"Well, maybe you should come home at your assigned curfew, and you would get more sleep," he said. I turned to finish my walk up the stairs, but his voice suddenly interrupted me. "Oh and you're going to tell your mother about this. Don't expect me to do it for you. I'm not doing that anymore. If you want to stay out late like an adult, then you're going to have to handle your mistakes like one. Understood?"

I nodded but continued my walk up the stairs. "Got it."

I found it absolutely ridiculous that they treated me as if I were a child when in fact I was seventeen. In another year, I'd be considered an adult in the country. But to my dad, I would always be their sweet little angel who could do no wrong. What he didn't understand was that I'd grown up, changed. Instead of being interested in toys, I became interested in boys; Edward more specifically.

Edward had always belonged to me for as long as I could remember. Aside from the one time, we had a big fight, and he ended up going out with Tanya Denali when we were sixteen...

Everything about Tanya Denali was perfect. From her long strawberry blonde locks to the ocean-deep blue eyes she possessed to the perfect cheerleader stance in her and to the watermelon-size breasts. Since we were fourteen, Tanya had made it clear to Edward that if he was willing, she was available. And finally, he agreed to her request when I refused him for sex for what seemed like the billionth time.

All day long I'd hid in bathrooms and in empty locker rooms so that no one would see me cry. But everywhere I went it seemed like Edward Cullen and Tanya Denali were the topic of the rest of the year. Edward and I had never been separated, let alone seen with another person under our arms. Now, there he was leaning smoothly over her, palms pressed against her locker as if he were trapping her.

Finally, during Biology when Edward had chosen Tanya as her lab partner, I broke down. I asked Mr. Banner for a pass to the nurse, saying that I felt like I was going to be sick. Without a word, he handed over the slip of paper that allowed me to be excused for the rest of the day. Except, I didn't have a fever or a queasy stomach. All I had was an enormously broken heart that was missing several peices.

When my mom came to pick me up, I hunched over in the passenger seat and stared out the window the entire time. I wasn't in the mood to talk about my "illness" at all. When we arrived at my house, I went straight to my room and cried until it was dark outside.

Edward's Volvo left the house around 6:30 to go pick up Tanya. I watched his headlights disappear down the distant road until I could no longer see them. I didn't have to imagine what the two of them would be doing. It only made my heart hurt even more.

At eleven, when Edward still wasn't home, my mother knocked on the door and let herself in. "How are you feeling, honey?" she asked, sitting down beside me on the bed.

I turned toward the window, praying that his headlights would show any minute now. "Not good," I'd said thickly.

My mom brought her hand to my back and rubbed it. "We can go to the doctor in the morning, okay?" she offered.

I shook my head a little too soon. "No, Mom. It's not...that. I'm alright. I just...I just want to stay home for a while."

"So does that mean this has to do with Edward's date with Tanya Denali?"

Shocked that she knew, I whipped my head toward her. "Who told you?" I asked.

My mother laughed. "Bella, honey. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that you two haven't been with each other for over a week. Normally, you're attached at the hip."

I pulled my blanket closer to my body, leaning into my my mom's side. She wrapped her arm tightly around my shoulder. Despite what my father says, my mother is more easy going when it comes to curfews and boys. "We had a fight," I whispered, hoping I wouldn't break down and cry.

"And your point is?"

"And my point is that I'm pretty sure I made him mad enough for him to stay away." I took a deep shaky breath, feeling my eyes water with tears. "How do I get him back?" I asked. My mom was always good when it came to advice so hopefully this situation wouldn't be any different.

She laughed once and rumpled my brown hair. "Oh, Bella. Honey, you don't have to anything. Edward will come around."

"How can you be so sure?" I questioned.

"Because you two are like milk and cereal; you can't have one without the other." She kissed my forehead and then walked out of my bedroom.

Edward's Volvo got home shortly after one in the morning. I'd forgotten that he only came home around eleven because that's the time that I had to be home. But now that he was with Tanya, his curfew was unlimited. I was jealous that he had more easy going parents. I watched him from my bedroom window as he turned on light after light throughout his house, and finally, he reached his bedroom.

Hurriedly, I threw on one of Edward's high school swim team sweatshirt that he'd left here and stuffed my feet into my black, converse sneakers. I quietly climbled down the garden rack, trying to be as sneaky as possible. If my parents caught me, albeit my dad, then I'd be in huge trouble. I landed on the ground with a quiet thump, the stones beneath my feet rattling slightly.

I picked up the small white pebbles and tossed them toward Edward's window, hoping that he wasn't asleep yet. There was no movement from inside his house so I'd tried again. This time, the lamp next to his bed turned on, and immediately, I saw his face peering through the window. He opened the sash and stuck his head out. "Bella, what are you doing?" he hissed. I was about to turn and leave, but he stopped me. "Wait, stay there."

I watched as he climbed out of his window with more expertise and grace than I had. He hopped onto the grass without making so much as a noise. "What do you want?" he demanded.

My throat felt tight at the tone of voice he used with me. He'd never talked to me like that before so it shocked me a little. "I just...I wanted...I just came to see how your date with Tanya went. Did you have a good time?" I asked. My voice trembled and cracked due to the excess moisture located in my eyes.

Edward rubbed his hand down his face, closing his eyes and shaking his head at the same time. "Bella, I don't need this. I can't do this right now." He turned on his heels and started back toward the house.

"Wait!" I cried, a little too loudly. My words were thick with tears, but I crossed my arms over my chest and held my chin high to keep from shaking. "My boyfriend and I broke up, and I needed my best friend. But the only problem is they're the same person."

"Bella," he whispered, and pulled me close to him.

It was then that I knew we could get through the worst of situations as long as we were to together.

When I arrived in my room, there he was, laying across my bed with his hands neatly pressed behind his head. "Charlie got mad?" he assumed.

I nodded. "Yeah. He thinks my mom is actually going to punish me for it. I guess he hasn't figured out why she goes to bed early so that she doesn't have to deal with his shit about me coming in later than my assigned time." I went over to my drawers and retrieved Edward's shorts and t-shirt for me to wear to sleep tonight. I unbuttoned my pants, full aware of the fact that he was watching me. It wasn't like he'd never seen me almost naked before. We just haven't had sex yet. I pulled on his shorts and then threw his t-shirt over my torso.

Edward shifted his body over on my full size bed so that I could fit. It didn't matter if he moved or not; I'd still choose to sleep on his chest. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist and hugged my close to his body. I loved that it felt like they matched perfectly together. It was an amazing feeling.

I leaned in to kiss Edward's cheek, letting my lips linger there before I slid them to his mouth. His lips were always soft and inviting. My hand curled in the folds of his t-shirt, my fist hard against his chest. He cupped my cheek in his palm, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. When he pulled back, Edward buried his face in the nape of my neck. My eyes fell shut when his wet tongue glided across my throat. "I love you," he whispered.

My answer didn't need to be thought out. It came easily like it had so many times before. "I love you, too."

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**A/N: Not much happened in this chapter. I just needed to give some background detail. The drama will kick in soon enough. Anyway, this is really different from anything else I've written so I hope you guys liked it. Also, the updates for this story are going to come slower than my normal updates because I really want to take my time in perfecting this. You guys have been so amazing toward my work, and I don't want to deliver anything that is less than my best. But I promise my updating won't be spread out too far. **

**Leave me a review and let me know how it is so far. Feel free to ask questions. Thanks so much!**


	3. Chapter 2 Chasing Cars

**A/N: Wow. Lots of feedback for just one chapter! That's amazing you guys! You're all awesome. I'm glad you liked it so far. Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's called Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. Please leave me a review when you're finished reading! Thanks so much! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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**Chapter 2- Chasing Cars**

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

**Bella's POV**

"Oh God. I want you so bad, Bella," he whispered against my neck.

Edward's tongue traced the spine of my throat, leading until he reached my mouth while he settled comfortably in between my thighs. This time, his tongue parted my lips, seeping inside to meet mine. I wove my fingers through his hair and drew him closer, deepening the heated meeting. The muscles in his arms contracted several times due to the fact that his hands were on either side of my head as he kissed me. The skin by my mouth was most likely bruised due to the fierce, intense pressure of his lips. He wasn't as gentle as he normally was.

My hands roamed over his back, admiring the contours of his spine and strong build. The shared heat between our bodies was intoxicating. Kissing Edward was something that I always enjoyed doing. His lips were like liquor to an alcoholic. So, so addicting. It was getting a little hard to move around in the back of his father's Jeep though. Continuously, I bumped my head on the wall of the car.

Slowly, Edward made his way toward the bottom of my shirt, hoisting it up when his fingers crawled beneath the material. For a while, he began to just draw small circles on my stomach, tracing my belly button and waistline. But soon enough they drifted upward, his palm cupping my the cotton of my bra. He squeezed and caressed me with a rough tempo; one that he surely never used before. Our kissing turned urgent and frantic, our breathing sporadic.

His lips trailed down toward my throat again, sucking on the sensitive skin. It tickled whenever he did that, and I couldn't help but giggle like an idiot. I felt him smirk against my neck and then bring his lips back to mine. Edward plunged his tongue into my mouth, taking me by surprise. He swirled it with my tongue and traced my teeth and gums, exploring the deep caverns. His right hand stroked my thigh, kneading the flesh there, while his other continued to massage my breast.

My fingers slid down to his chest, feeling the solid muscles beneath my touch. Edward was a swimmer so exercise for him was always a must. One of his goals was to beat the school record. He'd attend swim practice and then, on Monday's and Wednesday's, head straight to the gym.

Edward's lips left mine to drag down my stomach, occasionally darting out his tongue. He traced my narrow hips with his fingertips, and when he glanced up to meet my eyes, his gaze was hungry. It almost made me smile at how desirable he found me. But it was that time again. The time where he challenged me to keep going. Where he tried desperately for me to allow him entrance to my body. The type of entrance that I'd never granted to him.

The clanking of his belt buckle interrupted my thoughts, sending me back to reality. "Come on, Edward. No," I said against his lips. Except he continued to do the function of unbuckling his pants and yanking down his zipper. It was clear that he was trying to pretend that he hadn't heard me.

"No," I repeated, this time tugging at the back of his collar of the shirt he was wearing today. But he reached inside his boxers and pulled out his long, hard length. The size of it shocked me, especially the way it seemed to twitch at certain times. His hands held me tighter though so I pinched the back of his neck using my nails. "No!" I yelled, shoving him off of me. "Dammit, Edward. I said no!" I panted.

Edward looked down at me, his eyes frustrated and pissed off. His breathing was deep and hot against my face as he spoke. "I didn't think you meant it."

I pushed him away and sat up, fixing the shirt that showed half of the bottom of the blue bra that I was wearing. I scooted away from him, but the problem was there wasn't really anywhere I could go in a Jeep. He looked at me, his green orbs wide with disbelief. I glanced away from his gaze, pretending to stare out the window.

The rasp of his zipper sliding up filled the once silent air of the car while he dressed himself. Edward bent down so that his head wouldn't hit the short ceiling of the Jeep, maneuvering himself around me. "Move," he ordered coldly. I shifted my body off the flatbed, and when I did, he snapped the seats back up into their original place.

He jumped over the steering console into the driver's seat. I scrambled up to follow him, sitting on the passenger side when I realized he meant to leave. Edward stuck the key in the ignition and roared out of the clearing in the forest, driving frenzied and fast. It wasn't like his usual cautious state he possessed whenever he was behind the wheel. There was anger in everything he did; from pressing on the gas to braking hard when a stop sign was near.

When he took a turn in the street on two wheels, I placed my hand over his arm, trying to get his attention. "What's the matter with you?"

Edward stared at me, his face so tight and taut in the glare of the streetlights that for a moment I almost didn't recognize him at all. "What's the matter with me?" he parroted. "What's the matter with me?" Without warning he swung the car down a dead-end street off to the right and slammed the stick shift into PARK. "You want to know what's the matter with me, Bella?"

I nodded, not understanding his abrupt coldness.

He grabbed my hand and shoved it hard against his groin. I felt his hard erection beneath my fingertips. "That's what's the matter with me." He released my wrist as quickly as he grabbed it. I placed my hands back in my lap. "It's all I ever think about when I'm with you. And every time we get so close to going all the way, you say no night after night. Then, I'm supposed to deal with it on my own. But I don't want to anymore!"

The familiar heat I felt whenever I was embarrassed rushed to my face. The only thing that caused my cheeks to not get any redder was the fact that it was dark, and Edward couldn't see me with clarity. I stared at my lap, listening to him sigh after a while. He rubbed his hand through his already disarrayed hair, making it stand up on end. "Do you have any idea how much I want you?" His voice was soft now, barely above a whisper.

I licked my lips once and met his eyes. "Edward, wanting isn't the same thing as loving."

He laughed without humor, startled. "Bella, are you joking? How long have we lived next door to each other?"

What kind of question was that? "Since we were five. Almost thirteen years."

"And how long has it been since we've been dating?" he asked.

"Almost eight years," I whispered.

Edward exhaled loudly again, hitting the steering wheel with his fist. "And out of those thirteen years, I can honestly say that I've been in love with you since the first moment I saw you and your parents bringing that chocolate cake over to my house as a welcome-to-the-neighborhood gift." He paused a moment, taking my hand in his. "Bella, I'm trying so hard to be patient and not to push you into doing anything you don't want to, but it's getting so...hard."

I was silent, unsure of what to say to him.

"And you're right. Wanting isn't the same thing as loving," he agreed. "But they might as well be, at least for me."

"Why?" I managed, glancing away from my lap to meet his eyes.

He smiled at me, melting my strongest defenses. "Because wanting you has only made me love you so much more."

Without another word, Edward pulled back onto the main streets and headed toward both our homes. I did love Edward. I loved him with all my heart and soul. It's just the actual physical part of sex scared me. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do or if I had to move this way or that. What if I made a complete idiot out of myself? Or what if Edward didn't enjoy it? Then what would happen? I wanted nothing more than to please him and make him happy.

The clock on the dashboard read 11:25. I was five minutes early. Sometimes, I felt bad that Edward's curfew was based off what ever time I had to be home. But my parents, excuse me, _my father, _was big on the whole coming home early thing. I thought it was totally unnecessary since the only person I was ever with was usually Edward. But I never argued with my dad because I would surely lose.

Edward pulled into his driveway, turning the car off. He glanced toward me, and his eyes looked sorry as if he were apologizing for something. "Bella, I...I was completely out of line back there. I'm sorry. Really, I am. It's just I don't know how to control myself when we're with each other...like that, but I promise that I won't pressure-"

I brought my hands to his face and kissed him, cutting off whatever he was about to say. It shocked him, but he kissed me back willingly. "It's okay," I whispered when I pulled away from him. "It's alright, Edward. You have no reason to apologize. And...you...you were right. We've been dating for a really long time, and I've pushed you away so many times. And it's not fair to you. So I promise that I'll make love with you." His eyes gleamed wide with excitement. I had to laugh at his enthusiasm. "Not right now. But soon."

He nodded. "I can live with that. At least, now that I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel."

A smile played on my lips. "I'll see you in a little bit." I leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his mouth before hopping out of the car.

"Wait, Bells!" I turned to look at him, his car door still in my hand. "Your room or mine?"

"Mine. And make it quick."

When I entered my house, the clock on the wall read 11:30. Perfect. Right on time. At least now, Dad wouldn't have anything to say about me being late. I jogged up toward my room, taking two steps at a time. Hurriedly, I changed into a pair of Edward's sweatpants that I'd taken from his room and a plain white wife beater. It amazed me how majority of my wardrobe consisted of Edward's clothing, but I loved it all the same. The way he smelled always was attached in the stitches of his clothing.

At that exact moment, Edward let himself in through my window. He smiled and came to sit next to me on the bed. "Was that fast enough for you?" he asked playfully.

I smiled. "Eh, you can do a little better next time," I joked.

I scooted to the side, allowing him to sit next to me. As usual, he wrapped his arms around my body, hugging me close. His cheek rested in my hair while he traced calligraphy on the skin of my arm. I reached for his free hand and played with his fingertips. My eyes caught sight of the familiar scar that had been on his index finger on his right hand since we were kids. I laughed quietly to myself, remembering how it got there.

Edward glanced down at me, lifting my chin so he could see my eyes. "What's so funny?"

"Do you remember when we used to go on adventures and scavenger hunts when we were little? And on one of them, I accidentally slammed your finger in the garage door. You cried for an hour straight, yelling how mad at me you were," I said, giggling throughout my memory.

He glared down at me, his eyes playful. "That's not funny. It hurt so damn bad. How would you feel if I ended up doing that to you?"

"That was eleven years ago, and you still haven't forgiven me?" I pressed, pouting my bottom lip into a frown.

"Oh, I've forgiven you," he assured me. "I just haven't forgotten."

I brought my hands to his, spreading each of my fingers. "Okay. Give me a scar on one of them, and then we'll call it even."

Edward took my index finger and shoved it into his mouth, biting down lightly. It didn't hurt, but it was enough to leave a small indent in my skin. I laughed when he chomped his teeth on it, acting as if he was really going to give me a scar. He took my finger out of his mouth and kissed it softly. "There," he whispered. "All better."

Suddenly, Edward dropped my fingers and winced as if he were in deep pain. He brought his hands to his head and hissed through his teeth. Immediately, I reached out for him, grabbing his wrists. "Edward? Edward, what's the matter? Are you hurt? What's going on?" I was frantic and scared at the contort of agony on his face.

He shook his head, letting me know that he was okay. Except his eyes were still shut and his face scrunched up in anguish. "I'm fine, I'm fine. I've just been getting really bad headaches lately. It's nothing."

"Are you sure?" I asked, still picturing his distressed expression. "I can go get you some pain killers if you'd like?"

"Bella, I'm okay. It's just a headache."

I nodded. "Okay." I was reluctant to speak again. "Let's just get some sleep then. Maybe it'll help."

Edward agreed and draped my blanket over both my body and his. I'd never seen someone in so much pain from a headache and his facial expression scared me so much that I couldn't take it out of my mind. The way his eyes clamped shut and how he curled his lips back sent shivers up my spine.

Unconsciously, I gripped his body closer to me, fearing that if I let go, then he would suddenly slip away. He must have felt my tight grip because he rubbed my back underneath the material of my wife beater. His touch was enough to send me to sleep, but one that was uncomfortable and full of fear.

* * *

"And then guess what he did?" Alice cried while I sat in fourth hour with her. She'd repeated this story a million times to me over the phone so that I was pretty positive I knew it by heart. She went on a date with someone in her Gym class who turned out to be "a total jackass." Or so Alice says.

I rolled my eyes but allowed her to continue on with her story. "What did he do?" I asked, knowing what her answer would be.

The next bell rang, forcing everyone out of there seats and toward their next class. Or in mine and Alice's case, lunch. "He made me pay for the dinner. He didn't even bother to try to reach into his wallet and pull out the money. All he did was say 'you got this one, right?' " Alice's voice turned deep as if to imitate the person she went out with. "Can you believe that?" she practically yelled as we exited the classroom and headed toward the cafeteria.

I shook my head and gasped, knowing that she would love that type of reaction. "I really can't. He must have really been a jerk."

"Damn right he was," she said, stopping when we approached her locker. She threw her books in their correct spot and continued with our walk toward the lunch room. "So are you excited about Edward's swim meet tonight? He's really going to kick ass. He always does," she said confidently about her brother.

My head nodded. "Yeah, I am. Except last night, when he came over, he was complaining about having a really bad headache. And it looked like it was extremely painful. Have you noticed that happening at all with him? Or was it just a one time thing?" I asked, hoping she had some sort of answer.

Alice shook her head and shrugged. "I'm not really sure. He hasn't said anything about headaches so it was probably nothing. And my mom hasn't noticed anything so he probably just didn't drink enough water or something like that. And you and I both know that my mom notices everything. Besides, you worry too much. Has anyone ever told you that?" she questioned, bumping my shoulder with hers.

I smiled. "Not recently."

"Well, you do."

We entered the cafeteria, claiming the same spot we'd sat in since freshman year. Edward, Rose, Emmett, and Jasper were already seated, waiting for our arrival. "Jelly Belly! Long time no see. How you been?" Emmett's booming voice called to me, using the nickname he knew that I hated. Basically, we'd all known each other since we were little. Rosalie and Jasper lived a few houses down from me. We were lucky to remain friends throughout all of high school.

I grinned toward Emmett. "I'm good. How was your trip?" I asked. He and Rose ended up taking a foreign language trip to Spain for the Spanish class they were taking.

"Muy bien!" he replied.

I took a seat next to Edward who leaned to the side, placing a chaste kiss on my cheek. "How's your day been going?" he asked in a whisper.

"Okay. School is school. How about you?"

He smiled. "Better now that you're here."

"Well, wasn't that just so adorable, Rose?" Emmett nudged her shoulder, earning a laugh from everyone seated at the table. It was a hobby of theirs to tease Edward and I about our relationship. They said we were destined to be together ever since they moved to Forks. The truth is, I thought the exact same thing.

Jasper and Alice were engaged in their own conversation. I glanced toward Rosalie who smiled at me, knowing exactly what I was thinking about the two of them. It was clear that both wanted each other, but for some weird reason, they chose to hide their feelings. It was too obvious though. Especially when she would lean into him or play with his hair. "Do you think they'll ever go out?" Rosalie whispered into my ear.

I nodded. "Eventually."

"Haven't you ever heard that it's not polite to whisper," Emmett joked, tugging Rosalie back toward him. He tickled her side causing her to giggle and writhe beneath his fingers. I laughed at her pleas for help and turned to Edward.

He was acting a little distant. Normally, he was practically shouting about how his classes were too easy for him or how he wanted to take me somewhere nice for dinner. But now he was just...quiet. I reached my hand over toward him and ran my fingers through his bronze-colored hair. "You okay?" I asked.

Edward nodded. "Yeah. Just another headache."

"Is it as bad as last night?" I questioned, worried now.

He shook his head. "I'll be fine. And I guess I'm a little nervous about the meet tonight. Coach is really counting on me, and I don't want to let him down."

I scooted my chair closer to his. "You won't. You'll do amazing like you always do."

Edward smiled, showing off his perfectly aligned and whitened teeth. "You'll be there, right?"

I nodded. "Have I ever missed any of your swim meets?"

"Good point," he said. "Come on." Edward grabbed my hand, lifting me from my chair. "Let's get something to eat." He led me toward the lunch line where he allowed me to pick out whatever I wanted. Edward came from a wealthy family where money was the last thing on their minds. So whenever I'd pick out just an apple, he'd grab me two slices of pizza, a coke, and a cookie.

"Edward, I'm not eating all that," I protested.

"Why not?" he asked, shrugging his shoulders. "We could squeeze in a good workout later if you'd like."

I laughed slightly at the double meaning of his words. And apparently he also caught it because the smirk across his face widened with that same excitement that I'd seen last night when I told him that I'd have sex with him soon.

My whole body knew that my relationship with Edward was different from most of the teenage relationships I saw at school. First, it was not a fleeting thing. I'd know Edward practically my entire life. Secondly, it was truly love and not infatuation. He was what I considered to be a member of my family.

So why was I so cautious about the whole sex thing? I'd known from the time I started to really date him that Edward would be my first. I couldn't imagine exposing myself in such a vulnerable way with anyone but him. Edward loved me, and I loved him. And for God's sake, I'd heard my name linked to his since before I even knew what love truly was.

When the Cullen's first moved here, my mother and his mother Esme had immediately hit it off, becoming the best of friends. So when I wanted to go to the park, Edward, Alice, and Emmett would come along too because Esme was going. Our mothers were like two peas in a pod, and then that soon became Edward and I. We were always attached at the hip. Sure, I enjoyed Emmett and Alice's company, but a part of me was drawn to Edward. Even at such a young age.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Tanya the Town Slut say hello to _my_ Edward. "Hey, Edward," she'd said, being intentionally seductive. I glared at her and instinctively tightened my grip on his hand.

Edward smiled politely and mumbled, "Hi, Tanya."

God, I hated that bitch. Especially since he went out with her two years ago. And 'til this day, I have yet to find out what they did on their date. I'd never bothered to ask mainly because I was afraid of what he would tell me. After all, Tanya, even then, was known as a skanky bitch.

Her eyes shot to mine, and inside I was laughing. He'd chosen me over her which made Tanya bitter and resent me even more than what she already did.

Without a word to her, I tugged Edward toward the cash register, paying for the massive amounts of food. Like an expert, he'd carried it all in one of his hands while his other remained entwined with mine. We sat back down at the table, not bothering to interrupt the others.

Abruptly, I turned to Edward, feeling as though I needed an answer from him. The one question that had continued to beat me up, and I could no longer shove it back down. I leaned closer to him so that he would be the only one to hear what I was going to say. "You're still a virgin, right?" I asked.

Edward looked at me as if I had two heads. "Yeah...Where did that come from?"

I shook my head. "I was just thinking about...you know, a while ago when you went out with Tanya. I...I don't know. Never mind."

He brushed a strand of hair out of my face, tilting my chin up to look at him. "I didn't have sex with her if that's what you're wondering."

A wave of relief washed over me as I sighed. "Good. Because she's a bitch."

* * *

"Swimmers, take your marks."

Both Alice and I leaned forward at the edge of our seats in the middle of the high school bleachers. His family and mine were all piled in the crowded gymnasium awaiting Edward's swim. He said he was nervous earlier so I just wanted this moment to be perfect for him. I wanted to give him the confidence to win and believe that he would do amazing.

I watched Edward snap the band of his goggles twice, for luck, and shake out of the muscles of his arms and legs. Then he hooked his toes over the edge of the starting block. As he bent down, he turned his head and automatically found my face in the sea of others. I smiled at him when he winked.

There was a buzz, then Edward bulleted into the water, streaking beneath the surface to emerge halfway across the pool. His shoulders rose like a great whale, and his arms windmilled in a powerful butterfly stroke. He reached the fifty-meter mark before any of the others swimmers had.

Then he turned, the soles of his feet flashing silver as he raced home.

The gymnasium swelled with the yells of the crowd, and I, too, found myself smiling. Edward reached the wall in an eruption of sound. Over the cheers, the student announcing the meet warbled Edward's time. "A personal best," he crowed, "and a new school record for the hundred-meter butterfly!"

Panting, Edward hauled himself out of the pool. He was grinning wildly from ear to ear. I stood up and pushed passed the other people sitting in that row of the bleachers, completely forgetting Alice and the others. Sprinting down the aisle, I made my way to the floor where the next race was about to start.

Edward embraced me, holding me close. I didn't care that he was wet or that my clothes were getting soaked. He buried his face in my neck and laughed whole-heartedly. I could feel the exertion of his heart and his lungs against my chest. I imagined the crowd watching us as we held each other. The fact that everyone knew that someone like him had picked someone like me was one of the things I loved about being Edward's girlfriend.

He'd did it. Edward had set a new record for the school. I leaned up on my toes and kissed him with everything I had inside of me.

**_* * *_**

**Edward's POV**

Mike Newton who was nearly as legendary a breastroker as I was a butterflyer, had the swim locker beside me. He was polite at times but could also be a royal pain in the ass. "Nice race," Mike had said as I emerged from beneath my blue towel, my hair sticking up in wet spikes.

"Thanks. You too."

He shrugged once. "Of course, I could have probably gone faster if I had a hot little piece of ass waiting for me at the finish line, too."

I smiled tightly. It was no secret that Bella and I were going out. We'd been for almost eight years. But that also led to assumptions that weren't necessarily true. Like the fact that Bella put out, or why else would I have stuck around for so long? I thought it was funny that these people couldn't see how madly in love I was with her. The thing was, that if I chose to set Mike straight, I'd look like a fool.

"Bet you get some tonight," Mike said. "Probably great, victorious sex. You know? A celebration."

I shrugged into my shirt. "Who knows," I said, just off-handed enough to sound modest. Maybe, Bella and I would make love tonight. After all, she had said soon. But what did soon mean? A couple of days? Weeks? Months? Maybe I should have asked for clarification.

"Well, when she gets sick of you give her my phone number," Mike suggested.

I buttoned my fly and swung my bag over my shoulder. "Don't hold your breath," I told him.

At that, I walked out of the locker room toward the area where Bella and my family would be waiting. I smiled when I caught sight of her. Her grin was large and gave me chills just looking at her. She ran to my side and hugged me for the second time. "Oh, Congratulations. You did amazing."

"Only because you were here," I told her.

She blushed automatically, causing a laugh to escape my lips. Both Bella's family and mine rushed toward me, wide smiles on their faces. My mother wrapped her arms around me. "Edward, you did so good. I'm so proud of you!" she paraded.

"Thanks, Mom."

My father also joined in on the hug, congratulating me on a job well done. Renee, Alice, and Rosalie also attacked me with complimentary phrases while Charlie, Emmett, and Jasper shook my hand, telling me how awesome I did. It was slightly surprising coming from Charlie especially since sometimes he wasn't very fond of the amount of time I spent with his daughter.

I turned to Bella who was still beaming up at me. She glanced away toward her mother, but before she could say a word, her mother nodded, knowing that she was going to ask if she could skip dinner to hang out with me. "Not too late, okay?"

Bella nodded. "Okay."

Carlisle took my bag from my hands and smiled. "It's a school night, so you'll be home whenever Bella has to be."

"Aren't I always?"

Esme and Renee smiled. "Good point. We'll see you later."

Bella and I watched as our parents turned to exit the gymnasium, leaving us alone. "So what do you want to do tonight?" I asked, draping my arm over her shoulder while we walked.

She looked up at me, her face glowing. "Whatever you want."

* * *

**A/N: So how am I doing so far? Let me know by leaving a nice review! **


	4. Chapter 3 Colorblind

**A/N: Thanks for the awesome reviews everyone! They were amazing! Keep them coming! This chapter is called Colorblind by Counting Crows which also just so happens to be one of my favorite songs in the entire world. Listen to it while you read. It really sets the mood. It was playing throughout the whole time I wrote this.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! **

* * *

**Chapter 3- Colorblind**

_I am colorblind  
Coffee black and egg white  
Pull me out from inside  
I am ready, I am ready, I am ready  
I am taffy stuck and tongue tied  
Stutter shook and uptight  
Pull me out from inside  
I am ready, I am ready, I am ready  
I am fine_

**Bella's POV**

After his swim meet, we ended up going out to the clearing in the woods. His father let him borrow the Jeep again tonight. It was pretty much pointless for Edward to even have his own car when he never drove the thing. But like I said, Edward's parents were never really concerned about money.

We sat in the back hatch of his car with the rear door open, admiring the beauty of the night sky. It was so perfect and astonishing how the stars could hold so much beauty. And the moon; I'd never seen it so big and full. It made me wonder what was really out there. I mean aside from satellite dishes and astronauts. But in the distance into the great beyond was there really a heaven? Or was it true that after we die, there is nothing left of us.

I sat in between Edward's thighs, my back pressing against his chest. His arms were wrapped tightly around my ribs, pulling me closer to his body. Unconsciously, he let his thumb graze the sliver of skin that was exposed near the bottom of my t-shirt. He nuzzled his face into my neck, occasionally kissing the skin gently. I felt so content, and I'd never been happier with him than I was right now.

The seasons were changing from early autumn to the slight beginning of winter. The air smelled crisp and thin, full of the tang of wild crab apples and the hint of an early frost. I drew it in my lungs and held it there, the sharpness itching at my nostrils, before my breath burst out in a small white cloud.

Edward's breath tickled my ear when he spoke. "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" he asked in a whisper. His mouth grazed the sweep of my neck, latching his lips up and down the column of my throat.

"It's cold," I said, burrowing closer to him.

He hugged me tighter. "It's beautiful," Edward whispered. "Like you." He touched my face and kissed me deeply, my head tilted to the side. His lips were gentle and patient. There was no fierce intensity in this kiss. Just two mouths adding pressure to the other. But it was one of the best he'd ever given me. Our lips separated with a faint ripping sound.

I leaned my forehead against his, relishing the moment we shared. I wasn't sure why, but it felt like times like these were limited as if they would cease to exist if I pulled away. The thought scared me; just the idea of not being able to be with Edward ever again made my heart throb painfully in my chest.

The sky seemed rich and heavy, and the night seemed suddenly full of a thousand tiny things that I knew I'd always remember. The tickle of Edward's hair against the back of my neck, the seal-smooth callus on the inside of his middle finger, the parking lights of the Jeep casting a red shadow toward the grass.

"Did you know," Edward began, interrupting the quiet, "that a star is just an explosion that happened billions of years ago. And the light is just reaching us now?" he asked, a faint smile playing at his lips.

I shook my head, squinting toward the sky. "No, I always just thought it was something to wish on," I joked.

Edward chuckled, deep and musical. "I think you can do that, too."

"Okay," I said. "You go first."

He tightened his arms around my waist, and I felt the familiar sensation of wearing Edward's own skin, like a cloak of heat or a barrier for protection, maybe even a second self. "I wish that things could stay like this...like now...forever," he said so softly that I almost didn't hear him.

I turned in his arms, afraid to hope, even more afraid to let this opportunity slip by. My head was canted at an angle, so that I couldn't quite look Edward in the eye but could make my words fall onto his lips. "I'd like that," I whispered. "I'd like that a lot."

Edward smiled. "I was hoping you would."

And I did want things to be like this forever. I wanted Edward forever. Always. I knew that when I looked at him, I was staring at my future. From the moment I met him, I was so sure that we could never be torn apart. If one went away, then both of us had to go. The funny part was that all of my memories from the time I turned five didn't exclude Edward. He was in every single one. Even the ones with parents, Edward would still be floating in the background.

He tilted his face to the side and kissed my temple, resting his hand against mine briefly. There was another lull during which I tucked my head up under Edward's chin and nuzzled closer against him to keep the crisp air at bay.

"You still cold?" he asked, his hand resting on my bare skin where my top had ridden up and presumably feeling the goose bumps that had sprung up all over.

I nodded, trying to snuggle closer to him.

"Here, let me give this a try." Edward ran his hand down my right arm until his hand was holding my wrist.

"What are you doing?" I laughed as he rubbed his fingers over the skin on the inside of my wrist.

"You lose body heat through your hands, feet and nose mostly." He said conversationally. "However, you can best regain heat through places where the veins are close to the skin, pulse points. The best places are your wrists, your neck and your groin area."

I felt like little girl when he said groin due to the fact that I had to suppress a smile. An intense heat rushed to my face.

"Therefore…" Edward smirked at my red cheeks and then brought my wrist up to his mouth. Before I had time to ask what he was doing he breathed gently over my wrist, the warm air tickling the sensitive skin.

Immediately I felt a comfortable glow roll up my arm and spread across to settle in my chest, of course how much of this was from the warming up technique and how much came from the incredibly exciting feeling of his hot breath brushing against me I couldn't say. He glanced sideways at me and smiled at my expression which, I would imagine, could only be described at dazed. Still looking at me he bent his head to my wrist again but this time placed a soft kiss on the skin.

My body turned so that my free hand clenched the front of his t-shirt convulsively as if I was falling, and I bit my lip to keep myself from making some sort of embarrassing noise. I really didn't want him laughing at me at that moment. He lifted his head again as if to check how well he was doing. My look must have told him the answer was very well indeed because the look he sent me in return was one of mixed pleasure and smugness. Before I had time to recover he lowered his head again but this time laid his open mouth over my wrist.

I think I might actually have glowed in that moment. It couldn't just have been blood coursing through my vein. There had to be something with more intensity surging throughout my stream. I closed my eyes and swallowed thickly. I don't know what it was about the feeling of his mouth on that little patch of skin that made me react so much, maybe because the wrist is so sensitive, maybe because it reacts so strongly to heat, or maybe just because it was the single most sensual thing I had ever experienced.

Edward lifted his head once more and this time full on grinned at me. "Better?" he asked, his eyes alight with a look I had never seen before.

"Much," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his lips down onto mine.

**Edward's POV**

If I wasn't excited before, I certainly was now. I covered her mouth in fierce kisses, my want for her growing with every passing second. Her hands grabbed at my shoulders, looking for some sort of support. Bella was straddling my lap, clutching fist fulls of the shirt that clung to my skin.

She locked her legs together around my back which enabled me to flip us over so that I was hovering above her. Our pelvises rammed together, and I was sure that she could feel the arousal building up beneath the seams of my jeans. I slowly ran my tongue along her bottom lip, tasting her strawberry lipgloss. Bella willingly opened her mouth to me, allowing my tongue to fill hers.

I was spinning out of control and yet perfectly centered at the same time. She reached up with one of her hands, holding the back of my head while her other hand continued to grip my back tightly. I knew that our lips were beginning to bruise from the forceful kisses. This usually wasn't like Bella, but I sure as hell wasn't complaining.

I was running out of oxygen, but I couldn't bring myself to pull away from her. I kept wondering about what would happen if she changed her mind at the exact second I went up for air. My head ducked down, running hot kisses down her jaw and neck, leading to her shoulders. Bella's intense gaze watched me with a dazed expression, clenching my shirt when I sucked lightly at the spot where her neck met her collarbone.

Normally, I was a tad bit more careful with her, but I didn't want to be. Not right now. Not anymore. Cupping my face, she brought me back up to kiss her again, arching against me as I grazed her bottom lip with my teeth. I hissed when the friction from my pants rubbed against my erection. I couldn't take it anymore. I sat up, reaching behind me, clutching my shirt in a fist, before tugging it over my head.

Bella didn't stop me. She didn't say anything. All she did was traipse her eyes down my torso. I smiled down at her slightly flushed face before I hovered over her again, capturing her lips in another soul searing kiss. She rubbed her fingers along my jaw, gliding her thumbs aimlessly over my skin. I'd never been happier than I was right now. Or aroused.

She brought her hands to my back muscles, gripping them tightly between her fingers. I slid my hands up her sides, moving under her shirt to cup her breasts. The heat from her body was searing. Bella, taking me by surprise, pressed her breasts harder into my hands. I moved my fingers to the outer sides, leaving my two thumbs to circle her areoles. The skin there puckered into a pattern of ridges at this contact, and when I let my thumbs brush over her nipples, she released a strange breathy sound of bliss into my mouth. It made the evidence of my arousal twitch, heightening my excitement.

I noticed that her hands squeezed my skin in the same pattern I brushed my fingers over her breasts. Our breathing turned into heavy pants for air as we continued. I sat up again, taking Bella with me. Fiercely, I gazed into her deep, chocolate brown orbs. She seemed slightly shy which caused me to grin. But then she raised her arms over her head, granting me permission to remove the shirt she wore. So I kept my eyes fixed on hers while I slowly removed the article of clothing, tossing it to the other side of the Jeep. Without a second thought, I reached behind her, unclasping her bra.

Her breasts came into view, and God, they were amazing. I felt myself groan at the sight of them. They were round, perky, and firm, and I couldn't imagine anyone having a better pair. "You're beautiful," I whispered when I saw the familiar blush crawl onto her skin. She smirked before pressing her naked top against me. Little zings of pleasure shot through me as her nipples rubbed my chest. She began to place little kisses along my jawline. I sucked in a shaky breath at the ministrations.

Abruptly, she caught my lips again. Hard. I pushed her back down, my body toppling over hers again. I reached down, pinching her nipples between my thumbs and forefingers, gently rolling them. Bella sighed, her mouth slightly parted when she reached down to undo my belt. Her hands were trembling as they fumbled with the button and fly of my jeans. I halted my actions on her breasts and reached down to help her. "Allow me," I said, smiling.

Finally I managed to have all the fastenings undone, and the cotton material of my briefs bulged due to my hard erection. I went back down to her and kissed the nipple on her left breast. She moaned loudly and held onto the sides of my chest. I moved my head to her right breast and repeated the action. Capturing one nipple in my mouth and moving my hand back up to the other, I busied myself with making her feel good. From the corner of my eye, I could see her biting her lips as she raked her nails down the side of my chest.

I pulled away to reach down toward the fastening on her jeans. I smiled when I saw the desire obvious in Bella's hooded lids. I undid her button and removed each tooth with deliberate slowness, trying to remember everything about this perfect moment. I tugged the denim off her legs, tossing it to the side somewhere.

My fingers hooked the bottom of her panties, but then I felt her hand on my wrist, stopping me. "Edward, wait." I glanced down into her now fearful eyes. Her forehead rested against my shoulder, breathing deeply as if she'd just seen a ghost. I waited for her to continue, but she didn't. All she did was stare into my eyes like she was searching for something that was hard to find.

I brought my lips down to hers, grazing them and nudging my nose with hers. "What's wrong?" I asked in a whisper. "Did I hurt you at all?"

She shook her head. "No. No, you didn't."

"Then what is it?" I asked again.

Bella licked her lips once. "Do you...Do you think," she whispered panicked, "it will hurt? You know like some people say it does?"

I felt my throat tighten at the thought of causing her pain. I shrugged my shoulders once and rubbed a hint of sweat from my face above my brow. "I...I don't know. I think it might a little." I didn't know what to say. It's not like I was the woman in this situation. "Do you...do you not want to do this?"

She shook her head. "No. No. I want to. I do."

I smiled once, brushing her hair off her forehead. "If I could keep it from hurting you, I would." I sighed once, staring down at Bella's nervous state. "If it hurts, I want you to pinch me so that we'll be in pain together, okay? As hard as you can. Don't hold back."

My statement caused a shaky laugh to escape her lips. It eased some of the tension we both felt now. Bella leaned up and pressed her lips softly to mine. Her hands dragged through my hair, playing with the tips of it. I reached into the wallet of my jeans that rested next to us to pull out a condom. Slowly, I slid down my briefs and put the rubber in place. I went back to pulling down Bella's blue boy-cut underwear, noticing that she was already ready.

I settled myself in between her thighs, spreading them a little. I didn't want to put too much weight on her so majority of it was on my forearms. Our chests pressed together while the only sounds that could be heard was the harsh, shallow breathing coming from both of us. "I love you," I whispered.

She nodded once. "I love you too."

And just like that, I pushed slowly inside of the tight space between her legs. I gasped as I felt her warmth around me, consuming my entire being with pleasure. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. So, so good. Bella hissed slightly, taking hold of my shoulders. I remained still for a moment, waiting patiently for her to adjust to my intrusion.

When she nodded her head, willing me to continue, I pushed into her again going in a bit further than the first time. Her tight walls locked around my erection sending me on a wave of pleasure that I'd never rode until now. I let out a strangled cry of sensuality while clamping my eyes shut.

I withdrew from her body and then thrusted into her another time, breaking the layer of skin that held her innocence. Her face turned to a slight grimace of hurt, and instantly, I halted my movements. What made this worse was the fact that I was enjoying myself while she was clearly experiencing pain. Her eyes were shut tightly. Only a lone tear escaped her closed lids, trickling down the side of her cheek. I raised my thumb to brush the wetness away. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Do you want me to stop?" My whispers sounded breathless.

She shook her head. "I'm okay. I'll be fine. Keep going."

Bella ran her hands through my hair, smiling sweetly at me. "You can pinch me now if you want," I suggested.

She giggled quietly before leaning up to capture my lips. I kissed her back softly, wanting to show her how much I truly loved her. How much she really meant to me. I opened my eyes to find her staring up at me in awe. I grinned down at her while running my hands through her brown locks. She took my fingers and laced them with hers, placing them high above her head.

I pulled out of her skin and thrusted into her again. She was so warm and so wet. I let out a low whimper of ecstasy before checking to make sure Bella was still willing to keep going. She pulled my lips down to hers when I pushed my pulsing cock inside of her again, muffling the groan that escaped her.

Eventually, I developed a slow rhythm that worked for both of us. She didn't look as if she were in pain anymore which was definitely a good thing. I didn't like seeing the anguished face she possessed when I first entered her. Her lips were slightly parted now while her lids were half-way closed, just enough for me to see the pleasure in her eyes. Bella was _enjoying_ this now.

When I saw that, I picked up my pace a few notches, pushing into her warmth at a faster rate, but not too quick. This sent her moans louder, more pronounced, and I loved every minute of it. The way my name fell off her lips was enough to drive me crazy. Her hips began to raise to meet mine, causing my cock to plunge deeper into her. I cried out, uttering her name while I gripped her body closer to my figure. She felt so good.

Her quiet moans eventually turned into loud cries that fueled me to go faster and a little harder. Shudders of elation coursed through my veins whenever I heard her voiced groans of pleasure. I gripped her hips, bringing our lovemaking to a whole new level. Ecstasy shot through my entire body when I felt her lean legs wrap tighter around my waist. That simple movement allowed me to swim deeper inside of her.

I loved it.

She loved it.

And then suddenly she was trembling at her core. I went faster and deeper and harder. Her mouth was open wide, in the form of an 'O' shape, her neck arched back and eyes clamped shut. Bella's small hands gripped my shoulders. "Edward...I...Oh God...I think..."

Bella didn't need to say anymore because I understood. The end was almost near for me, too. My body began to shudder while the cramping knot in my stomach became more intense. I was so close. Her fingernails dug into my pale flesh, holding on for dear life. Her orgasm was loud and held clarity. She screamed my name repeatedly, inching me closer to my own climax.

I clutched her hips roughly with both my hands, pulling her toward me, deepening my strokes, trying to satisfy the ache for my own release. She held me tighter, dragging her nails against my skin, letting me know that she loved it. I yelled her name the next moment when my climax hit, sending me over the edge on a boat of elation.

It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. And it was...amazing. I collapsed on top of the woman I loved, both of us panting heavily. My head rested on her chest, her hands tangling in my hair. Bella's heart hammered rapidly against my ear. She sighed in a rough voice, continuously rubbing her hands through my tousled locks.

"I love you," I said breathlessly against her skin.

The vibrations from her voice tickled my cheeks. "I love you, too."

I glanced up at her, grinning lazily. She cupped my cheek with her palm, pulling me up toward her lips. I kissed her softly, letting her know how much I loved her and that I would love her until my last breath. I drew back from her lips, staring deeply into her abysmal orbs. She'd never looked more beautiful or more..._real_. She was perfect. We were perfect. This moment was perfect. Everything about this was perfect.

* * *

"Way to go, Edward! You're finally a man!"

Emmett's booming voice congratulated me right as I walked through the front door of my house. I didn't say a word about having sex with Bella, or even that I was with her the whole time. In fact, all I was able to do was get my shoes off my feet. Was I really that obvious that he could tell just by looking at me? Or was it just a brother type of thing?

I didn't answer him, only smirked slightly in spite of myself. Emmett grabbed me and draped his arm over my shoulder. "Damn, I'm good. I knew you guys did it." Emmett chuckled at his own abilities.

Discreetly, I checked around for my mother, making sure that she wasn't in sight. Having her hear something like this would mean a longer conversation than was necessary. "How could you tell?" I asked, my voice a slight whisper as we strolled up the staircase toward my bedroom.

Emmett laughed. "Dude, you have the whole I-finally-got-laid look all over your face. And your fly is open."

I glanced down at the zipper that was undone and quickly yanked it up.

"So are you going to tell me how it was? I mean I know you've been dying to get on Jelly Belly since you started growing pubic hair. And you guys survived all this time with just making out. So it had to have been fucking mind blowing!" Emmett said as we entered my room. "Am I right?"

I laughed at my brother's enthusiam.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

It hurt for a moment. Sex, that is. Then it wasn't so bad. It felt odd, stretched from the inside out, but not really painful. The people that said it was the worst agony they've ever felt were definietely exaggerating. As time went on, it started to feel good. Really, really good. And then it turned to amazing, and what made it even better was the fact that I matched with Edward on both physical and emotional levels.

He was so encouraging and comforting. And I knew for a fact that if I'd asked him to stop, he would have without a word. But I didn't want him to. Being one with Edward only made my bond and loyalty to him feel even stronger than what it already was.

I sat in my bedroom, reminiscing on the nights events, when I noticed my window being shoved open from the outside. A moment later, Edward came tumbling inside, making a quiet thump. He saw me and smiled wider than I'd ever seen him. "Hey," he whispered, coming to sit by my side.

"Hi," I greeted. "I was just thinking of you."

Edward pushed my blanket and got underneath the covers with me. "Yeah?"

I nodded. "Mmhm."

I felt closer to Edward now. Like I somehow could understand him better than what I usually did. I knew every inch of his body and every inch of his mind. There wouldn't be anymore surprises between us because we _knew_ each other. And it almost seemed silly to think that I was afraid of having sex with him. We'd fit together perfectly like we were made for each other. _Destiny_ is what I would call it. Yes, Edward was my destiny.

But why couldn't I shake the feeling that something was off. That something wasn't right. Everything looked as if it were in perfect order so what was wrong? Why did something seem like it didn't belong, like it wasn't needed or wanted. I wasn't sure why I felt that way, but I just couldn't dismiss it.

Edward rumpled my hair with his big palms. His eyes were filled with the same lust and desire as a few hours ago. "You know you're beautiful, right?"

I smiled, snuggling closer to his welcoming body. His words reminded me of the first time he ever kissed me. We were ten years old. I remembered that it was warm that day which was highly unusual especially in a place like Forks, Washington. We were playing hide-and-go-seek, and over a period of ten minutes, Edward was no where to be found. I'd searched everywhere for him, but it was as if he'd vanished in thin air.

The thought frightened me, chilling me to the bone. Losing Edward was what I considered one of the most horrible things to ever happen to me, even when I was a little girl. He was my best friend, the boy that I'd already fallen in love with. I remembered my eyes filling with tears of horror when I called his name and there was no answer. So I'd tried again and again.

"Edward?" I yelled in the forest behind our houses. "Edward? Come on this isn't funny anymore. Where are you?"

Still no answer. I started to panic, and my hands shook violently. My knees were trembling to the point where I could barely move. If I took a step forward, I'd surely fall flat on my face. "Edward!" I called again. This time my voice shook and hot tears began to trickle down my face. "I don't want to play anymore!" I screamed. "Please, just come out! Please, Edward!" I tried again.

Nothing. Again. And again. But then I saw his bronze hair from behind a rock and a wave of relief washed through me. But it was a fleeting refreshment. Especially when I noticed he was passed out on the ground, his body not moving, his eyes closed shut. I rushed to his side, holding his small head in my hands. "Edward? Edward! Wake up! Come on, Edward!" By now, a waterfall of salty streaks were flowing from my lids. I'd never been more afraid in my life.

He was limp in my hands, and I'd tried shaking him. But he wouldn't budge.

Nothing.

But suddenly, his eyelids began to flutter, his expression turning dazed and confused. "Edward," I said, sighing in relief when he woke up.

He smiled up at me, a weak grin. "You know you're beautiful, right?"

The words shocked me. They were the last thing I'd expected Edward to say especially at the young age of ten. But I beamed down at him while his head rested in my lap. My fingers unconsciously ran through his mess of copper locks. His face was stone white, paler than his usual color. And there was a faint trace of sweat etched across his forehead. It confused me, but then I looked at his lips.

Warm and supple and inviting. I did the only thing I could think to do. Slowly, I tilted my head down to his and captured them with my own. It was quick but electrifying. My lips zinged with the tingling sensation from his responding mouth. But when I pulled away, Edward dozed back off into unconsciousness. I didn't think twice when I got up and sprinted home to get Esme and Carlisle.

The memory was bittersweet. I still was never told what went wrong, but I assumed he hit his head on one of the boulders.

I was back in present time when Edward kissed the side of my forehead. I glanced up at his eyes, feeling tears well in mine. "Don't ever leave me," I whispered to him.

He looked confused, but he smiled anyway. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

**Leave me a review please!**


	5. Chapter 4 Breathe Me

**A/N: Wow! The reviews were awesome and so are you guys! Thanks so much! Please continue to leave me feedback! **

**This chapter is called Breathe Me by Sia**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

**Chapter 4- Breathe Me**

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me. I am small  
and needy. Warm me up  
And breathe me_

**Bella's POV**

I sat on the counter top in the bathroom, watching as Edward filled the sink with warm water and lathered his face with the shaving cream. When he was ready, I passed him his razor and examined him as he pulled his skin taut, gently running the razor down his cheek. As he repeated this action again and again, I noted that he shaved in a careful measured way, his large hands holding the razor capably and firmly.

A part of me couldn't resist watching Edward's face. The concentration in his expression was so clear that I could see right through it. Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced over at me, allowing a smirk to pull at his cream-filled face. I grinned back, scooting closer to him. Last night, I'd decided to stay over at his house for the night. He'd been coming to mine almost everyday so I thought we'd switch it up. His parents were both gone for work, and mine wouldn't bother to check on me due to the fact that it was a Saturday morning. They wouldn't notice that I was gone.

Edward looked at me again, this time his expression was confused. "You don't mind if I ask what you're looking at, do you?"

I smiled, scooting even closer to him. "I just like watching you shave, that's all."

He began washing th excess cream of his face, and it was then that I'd realized I was biting my lip while a tight sensation tugged at my chest. What the hell was wrong with me? I was getting turned on by his shaving. Was that even normal? It couldn't be. Honestly, who gets aroused from watching their boyfriend shave the stubble off his face?

Apparently, I did.

As Edward finished up by rubbing some after-shave balm on and turned to look at me, I tried to compose myself but I was simply too far gone by that stage. He took one look at my flushed face and dazed expression and a slow smirk appeared on his lips.

"You're blushing," he said, not even attempting to hide his amusement. "The question is why are you blushing?"

I grinned, embarrassed on my own accord. "I think you're very sexy," I whispered. I didn't really know how to be seductive, and Edward and I had only had sex that one time in his car which was about a week ago. And I wasn't scared anymore. I _wanted_ to do it again.

Edward positioned himself in between my legs, settling his large hands on my waist. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily. His face was smooth now, the spiky pecks of hair no longer scratching at my face. I brought my fingers to his cheek and rubbed the newly shaved area. He smiled against my lips while he trailed his fingers up my thigh.

"Oh God, come on. Sister is in the room now!"

He pulled away, exhaling slowly in frustration. "Does anybody knock around here?" he asked in a whisper to no one in particular. He turned toward Alice who was leaning against the door frame. "Can I help you with something? Aren't you supposed to be at work?" he growled toward his sister.

She nodded. "As a matter of fact, I am. But then again, aren't you not supposed to have girls in your bedroom?" she joked, wiggling her eyebrows toward me. Alice and I laughed, but Edward seemed unamused. "Relax, I just wanted to let you know that I was leaving now. And I wanted to wish you good luck at your swim meet tonight because I won't be there."

Edward seemed shocked and appalled. "What? Why not?" He sounded like a child who wasn't getting his way.

Alice shrugged. "Because I have a date with Jasper," she mumbled.

I could feel the wide grin tugging at my lips. "Alice!" I practically yelled, hopping off the counter and moving toward her. Edward watched us, annoyed by the abrupt change in my mood. "Why didn't you tell me?" I thundered.

"Because it's not that big of a deal," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

My mouth popped open wide as I listened to her blow off the date as if it were nothing. But the truth was that it was the total opposite. Everyone in this town has been waiting for Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale to date since the beginning of time. The way they stared into each others eyes made it clear the way they felt toward each other. So how could she not have told me right when it happened?

"Of course it's a big deal! When did he ask you?" I asked.

Alice glanced over her shoulder at a clock sitting on Edward's night stand. The numbers read 8:57 a.m. "Bella, look, I'd love to stay and chat, but if I'm late for work again, then my boss is probably going to shoot me in the face. So I'll fill you in on all the details when I get home tonight, okay?"

I nodded. "You better." Quickly, I pulled her toward me, hugging her tightly. She laughed at my enthusiasm. I'd never been so happy in my life. You see, Alice was my best friend. Well, actually, I suppose you could say the Cullen's were my best friends because I could never forget Emmett. He treated me as if I were his little sister. When we were younger and other students at school would pick on me, I'd go to him, and he'd reassure me that he would take care of everything.

I glanced back toward Edward who was rubbing his temples with his fingertips _again_. "Another headache?" I asked, now alarmed. He'd been getting so many lately, and I didn't think that people were supposed to. I went to his side and rubbed his back, but he flinched away as if I'd somehow caused him pain. "Whoa," I whispered. "Edward, are you okay?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'm just feeling a little under the weather." I raised one of my eyebrows at him, but he shook his head. "Hey, come here." Edward pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead. "It's nothing. I'm fine so don't worry about it because that's all you do. Relax."

"Well, if I don't worry about you, then who will?" I asked, hesitantly wrapping my arms around him. They were so light that it almost felt like I wasn't touching him at all. The last thing I wanted was to hurt him again.

Edward smiled. "Why don't you leave the worrying to my parents. Sound good?" he asked. That same crooked grin that made me go weak in the knees spread across his face, diminishing any previous anxiety that I had been feeling a moment ago. I smirked back and stood on my toes, kissing the side of his cheek.

"I should probably get going before my parents scream for me to wake up and then find that I'm not in my bedroom," I told him.

He nodded. "Okay. I'll see you at my meet. You'll be there?" he asked, knowing that Alice wasn't going but wanting to make sure that I still was.

"Look for me in the front row, super star," I joked. He chuckled lightly while we walked back into his bedroom toward the window. I lifted it up and squeezed my small frame through. Edward helped me, taking my waist and hoisting my body down toward the grassy floor. When I finished climbing to the bottom, I glanced back up at Edward who was now smiling down at me. I blew a kiss to him, and like usual, he raised his hand and caught it before pressing it against his mouth.

Hurriedly, I made my ascend up toward my room, opening the window and letting myself inside. I stumbled a little, but thankfully hadn't made any noise. I'd done this so many times that it was almost second nature to me.

"Bella!"

_Right on time,_ I thought to myself when I heard my mother calling me.

* * *

I arrived at the swim meet early today due to the fact that I promised Edward I'd be seated in the front. Swimming was a big deal at Forks High School especially since that was all we were really good at. Every year, well since Edward's been on the team, we've taken State. Students, parents, and family members all crammed in the small gymnasium, hoping for a great spot. Hence the fact why Esme and I were there an hour early.

The team was in their black warm ups while having a pep talk with the coach. Edward's zipper to his polyester warm-up was undone, revealing the smooth, toned skin of his torso. He looked deeply absorbed as if he were paying extra attention to whatever the coach was saying to them. Edward had been saying that he was nervous about this meet especially since La Push High School was their biggest competition.

Last time they'd faced them, Edward had lost by .05 seconds. The judges had to do several replays to decide who actually won, and in the end, it turned out to be Jacob Black. Jacob was also a butterfly stroker who was well-known. He and Edward used to be on the same swim team when they were younger, and even then, they couldn't stand the sight of each other. They were always competing even when they were team mates.

But tonight was crucial to Edward. If he didn't win, then Forks High School wouldn't be attending the next round of the playoffs. I could tell that he was anxious due to the way his hands brushed through his hair and the billion times I watched his tongue peak out to brush over his lips. I knew all of Edward's nervous habits like I knew my own mind. We might as well have been the same person.

Esme and I ended up getting our front row spot, but so had several other people. We tried to make room for Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, and my parents, but there wasn't much. They'd just have to be seated somewhere else. I had a wonderful bond with Esme. When I felt like I couldn't go to my mother about something, I would go straight to her. I considered Esme to be like my second mother. She had a big, kind heart full of compassion and grace.

The gymnasium was filling up quickly. Already, the first seven rows had been filled with people who were impatiently waiting for the meet to begin when really we still had about forty-five minutes. I glanced back toward Edward who was nodding his head at whatever his coach was telling him. At that moment, he looked away from him and caught my eye. The apprehension that once framed his face had now completely dissipated. He grinned once and winked like he always did. I felt my heart stutter at the simple movement.

Esme must have noticed because she nudged my shoulder and laughed. "Well, well, well. Look at that." I stared at her out of the corner of my eye and laughed when she continued speaking. "I don't think anyone can ease his tension as well as you can. He's lucky to have someone like you," she said.

I smiled but shook my head. "No," I stated. "I'm lucky to have someone like him."

She grinned and wrapped her skinny arm around my shoulder, kissing the temple of my forehead. "You know I really can't wait for the two of you to get married and have a great set of kids." I laughed at her enthusiasm and her picture-perfect image of mine and Edward's future together. She stared at me, the awe obvious in her eyes. I didn't know why she was looking at me so strangely. "Every time I see you, it makes me happier and happier that we moved here," Esme stated simply. "You're one of a kind, Isabella Swan."

I didn't know what to say to that, and I was never good at taking compliments so my actions spoke louder than words. A beat-red blush crept over my alabaster skin, comsuming the pale color. Esme giggled and shook her head. "I do have flaws, you know," I told her.

Esme nodded. "I know, and those flaws are what makes you so special to this family. _Our_ family."

Could someones words really have such an affect on you? We were in the gymnasium, and I felt as if I were on the verge of tears. That's the thing about Esme; she could always make someone feel so good about themselves no matter how bad of a day they were having. Esme was always there to pick up anybody who had fallen apart, no matter how broken they may have been.

About a half hour later, five minutes before the races were going to start, I noticed Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, and my parents entering the gym. Carlisle caught Esme's eye and shook his head. I knew that he was a little frustrated that we hadn't saved them a seat, but there wasn't much we could have done. The place was filling up so quickly, and besides, we'd told them to come early with us but they hadn't listened.

The others were seated in the bleachers on the opposite side of the gym where it was next to impossible to see anything that was happening. I looked over at the swimmers again, watching as they removed their warm-ups, placing them neatly on their seats. Edward threw his swim cap on his head while his goggles rested just above his eyes. He approached the block, loosening up his muscles before stepping on.

It was right then that I noticed the large, purplish bruises trailing his down his spine. They looked painful and as if someone had beat him to the point where it be next to impossible to stand up. I thought back to this morning when Edward had winced when I brought my hand to his back. At first, I thought it was only because I'd startled him, but now it was clear that I'd caused him agony.

But where did the painful blemishes come from?

I was about to turn to Esme to see if she'd known anything about it when suddenly her face turned stone white as if she were holding in her breath. Her face seemed to be traumatized while her right leg began to shake violently. There were tears floating in her eyes that looked like they would fall any second now. I was going to ask her what was the matter, but my words were cut off by the loud buzzer, signaling for the swimmers to start.

My eyes ripped from Esme for a moment toward Edward who was whipping through the water at an unstoppable speed. I'd never seen him go so fast in my entire life. But the bruises and Esme? What was going on? Why was she about to cry? I didn't want to look away from Edward though, fearing that I would miss a crucial part of his intense race.

But my impulses had other ideas. I locked eyes with Esme who's bottom lip was quivering as if she were afraid. I grabbed her hand immediately. "Esme? Esme, what is it? What's wrong?" I asked, practically yelling over the cheers of the crowd.

But she didn't answer me. All she did was keep her eyes locked on Edward. "Esme!" I screamed over the fierce rumble of the audience. "Tell me what's wrong," I urged, squeezing her hand painfully tight.

Only seconds later, I heard another buzz, signaling the winner of the race. "Ladies and gentlemen! Edward Cullen has brought Forks High School another win!" the student announcer yelled into the microphone. And just like that I looked over at Edward who was hoisting himself out of the pool, a large grin etched across his face. It made me completely forget the startled face Esme wore. The gleam in his green eyes and the sparkle in his smile was enough to make me also jump for joy.

But it was only for a moment because the next thing I knew, Edward stopped throwing his hands joyfully into the air. Instead, he looked as if he were slightly dizzy and going to fall. I, too, halted my movements. He stared around the gym, clearly confused by what was happening. What occurred next was what I knew would change our lives forever.

Edward collapsed, falling back into the pool.

When I was younger, I was always told that I could never be a track star because of my clumsiness. I couldn't walk over a flat surface without managing to find something to trip over, even if it was my own feet. I'd stumble and wind up down on the ground no matter how easy it was to walk.

So if all that was true, why did I suddenly feel like a cross-country runner who was determined to win her race? I jumped up from my seat, barely noticing that Esme was also following me. Everyone in the room allowed gasps and _'Oh my God's'_ to escape their lips, but I ignored them. I blanked out everything that didn't have to do with Edward. The only thing I focused on was putting one foot in front of the other at a mind-blowing speed.

One of the swimmers dove into the water to retrieve Edward's limp body. He carried him as if he were a sack of potatoes before gently setting him down onto the concrete tiles on the side of the pool. People started to surround him, but I began to shove my way through, gripping their arms so hard that I was almost positive that it would leave a mark.

I knelt down beside him, Esme right next to me. I noticed that Carlisle and the others were now crowded around him as if he were some animal at the zoo. I lifted Edward's head so that it was placed on my lap. His eyes were closed shut and his body glistened with tears of water from the chlorinated pool.

Carlisle began to do a series of quick tests on him, like checking his heart rate and giving him mouth-to-mouth. He was a doctor, after all. I watched, horrified, as he began to bring his head down to his chest, listening for a heart beat. "Call 9-1-1!" he yelled to Emmett. Immediately, he obeyed, fumbling for his silver cell phone.

"What's happening?" I screamed. But nobody answered. The only thing that I could hear were the others murmuring words to each other that I couldn't make out. Carlisle commanded that I tilt Edward's head back so I did just that, placing it on an angle to allow oxygen into his lungs.

_**Thirteen Years Back**_

**Esme's POV**

"Alice, come on, baby. Stop splashing." I watched my three year old daughter splash her twin brother who was clearly getting annoyed with her. She continued to throw the pebbles of bath water toward Edward's direction, antagonizing him. Alice was the type of girl who would grow up to be fiesty which I knew would be a problem in the future.

It was almost next to impossible to give them a bath together. Alice would always try to get a rise out of Edward who normally was an angel in the tub. But when his sister challenged him, oh boy, did he fight back. Edward never let anyone make a fool out of him even at his toddler stage.

I reached for a wash cloth, trying to rub the dirt off Edward's back. He must have been playing in the dust, but this was next to impossible to remove. I was unsuccessful. The blemish clearly wasn't a mud stain but a bruise. "Edward, did you fall down when you were playing outside?" I asked him.

My precious green-eyed son stared up at me, the soap bubbles framing his face as if he were Santa Claus. He shook his head and went back to applying the bubbles to his face. "Ho, ho, ho! Merry Cwissmas!" he yelled, his tone deep and amusing. I had to laugh at his enthusiasm, and obviously so did Alice.

"Hey, Edward, does that hurt when I do this?" Alice asked, pressing her thumb, hard, against the bruise on her brother's spine.

Edward howled, lurched, and spilled bathwater all over me. I lifted him out of the water, passing him to Carlisle who just entered the bathroom at that exact moment. "Alice, that wasn't nice at all," I scolded. "How would you like it if Edward did that to one of your boo-boos?" I asked, reaching for a towel to get her out of the tub.

"Sorry," she apologized, bowing her head in defeat.

I shook my head. "Don't tell me. Tell your brother."

She glanced up at him, her eyes sorrowful. "Sorry, Edward."

Edward snuggled closer to his father, choosing to ignore his sister's apology. Carlisle shrugged but sat Edward on the floor, pulling his pajamas over his head. "So, I take it you had your hands full today?" Carlisle stated, laughing to himself.

I wrapped the towel tighter around Alice's small frame, rolling my eyes toward my husband. "There are no words to cover how hectic my day has been."

*** * ***

By the time I woke up the next morning, Carlisle had already left for work. His job had long hours that seem to always cut into the time he spent with his family. I glanced over at the clock, noticing that I overslept. More amazingly, my children hadn't woken me up. In my bathrobe, I ran downstairs to find Emmett playing on the floor with his blocks. "I eated breakfast already," he informed me. "I made some for you too, Mommy."

Sure enough, there was cereal spilled all over the table and scattered across the floor. A trail of milk trickled from the table to the refrigerator, leaving its wet mark behind. "Where's Alice and Edward?" I asked my son.

"Alice is watching cartoons, but Edward's still sleeping," Emmett said. "I tried poking him and everything, but he won't move."

My children are a natural alarm clock; the thought of Edward sleeping so late makes me remember that he's been sniffling lately, and then I wondered if that was why he was so sleepy last night. I walked up the stairs, calling his name loud. In his bedroom, he rolled toward me, swimming up from the dark to focus on my face.

"Rise and shine, sleepy head." I pulled up his shades, letting the sun spill over his blankets. I sat him up and rubbed his back. "Let's get you dressed, little man," I said, and I peeled his pajama shirt over his head. But to my surprise, trailing his back was a string of black and blue bruises.

*** * ***

"Anemia, right?" I asked the pediatrician. "Kids his age don't get mono, do they?"

Dr. Andrews pulled his stethoscope away from Edward's narrow chest and tugged his green shirt down. "It could be a virus. I'd like to draw some blood and run a few tests."

Now, normally, the first thing I would have done was contact Carlisle, especially considering the fact that he is indeed a doctor. But the law does say that another doctor can not operate or treat someone that he is associated with especially if that person just so happens to be your son.

Emmett, who had been playing quietly with one of the action figures, perked his head up, smiling devilishly toward Edward. "You know how they draw blood, right Edward?"

Alice beamed and raised her hand in the air as if she knew the correct answer. "Crayons!"

Emmett shook his head. "Uh-uh," he disagreed. "With needles. Great big long ones that they stick in you like shots and-"

I popped my eyes wide, cutting off Emmett's statement. "Stop it," I warned him.

Edward's emerald green orbs sought mine out. "Shots, mommy?" he shrieked. "Ouch?"

My son, who trusted me to tell him that it was safe to cross the street, to cut his meat into tiny pieces, and to protect him from all sorts of things like large dogs and darkness and loud firecrackers, stared at me with great expectation. "Only a teeny-tiny one," I promised, hoping it was true.

When the pediatric nurse came in with her tray, her syringe, her vials, and her rubber torniquet, Edward started to scream. I took a slow deep breath. I knew that Edward hated needles. He didn't like anything that would pinch so it was obvious that this would be slightly difficult for both the Edward and the nurse. "Edward, hey. Look at me." His cries bubbled down to small hiccups. "It's just going to be a small pinch, okay?" I tried to reassure him.

"Liar," Emmett whispered.

Edward clearly didn't hear him so he relaxed a bit. The nurse laid him down on the examination table and asked me to hold down his shoulders. I watched the needle break the white skin of his arm; I heard the sudden scream, but there wasn't any blood flowing. "Sorry, sugar," the nurse said, "I'm going to have to try again." She removed the needled and pierced Edward's skin again, causing him to howl even louder.

He struggled in earnest through the first and second vials. By the third, he had gone completely limp. I wasn't sure which was worse.

*** * ***

We waited for the results of the blood test patiently. Emmett was on his belly on the waiting room rug, picking God knows what out of the carpet while Alice played with the dolls in the toy chest of the pediatric ward. Normally, I'd be scolding them due to the fact that we were in a facility where sick children brought in all sorts of germs, but right now was different. I was too anxious to receive Edward's results.

All I wanted was for the pediatrician to come out and tell me that I needed to take Edward home and make him drink lots of orange juice. But it seemed to take forever. And it was another hour later before Dr. Andrews summoned us into his office again. I sat in the chair across from him with Edward resting comfortably on one knee and Alice on the other. Emmett placed himself in the chair next to mine, swinging his legs back and forth.

"Edward's tests were a little problematic," he said. "Specifically his white cell count. It's much lower than normal."

"Well, what does that mean?" I asked. Sure, my husband was a doctor, but that didn't mean that I actually payed attention to anything he said. But at this moment, I mentally cursed myself for not ever bothering to ask Carlisle what it was that white blood cells actually do.

Dr. Andrews pushed his thick-rimmed glasses higher on his nose before speaking again. "He may have some sort of autoimmune deficiency. Or it might just be a lab error." He leaned forward and mussed Edward's hair. Edward smiled at the doctor. "I think, just to be on the safe side, I'm going to send you up to a hematologist at the hospital, to repeat the test."

I was thinking: _You have got to be kidding. _But instead, I watched my hand reach for a piece of paper that Dr. Andrews offered me. Not a prescription, as I'd hoped, but a name. _Juneau Hospital, Hermatology/Oncology_. That was where Carlisle worked. But then my eyes zoned in on only one specific word.

"Oncology?" I shook my head. "Dr. Andrews, that's...that's cancer." I waited for him to assure me that it was only part of the physician's title, to explain that the blood lab and the cancer ward simply share a physical location, and nothing more.

But he didn't.

**_Present Time_**

**Bella's POV**

Ever since I was a little girl, I've hated waiting rooms. Everything about them gives me a bad vibe as if you're only here due to the fact that something has gone wrong. And I guess that's a pretty accurate description. Especially for what's happening right now. I sat with the Cullen family and my own, patiently waiting for someone, anyone, to let us know exactly what was going on.

It seemed as though Esme had turned to stone. She looked pale white, whiter than usual, that is, and her eyes didn't hold the igniting compassion they once had. Instead, now they were a dark abysmal hole that held no meaning what so ever. In fact, now that I really noticed, that was how all the Cullen's appeared to be. Alice and Jasper had to cut their date short because Emmett had phoned her.

My parents sat on one of the couches, bouncing their knees in anticipation just like the rest of us. But then I noticed one of the doctors heading our way. He smiled politely and motioned for Esme and Carlisle. My feet began to move on their own accord, following both Carlisle and Esme as if I, too, were his family. In actuality, I was.

"Edward is awake, and now we're just waiting on some test results that should be back any moment from the lab." The doctor glanced at me and then back toward Esme and Carlisle. "If you don't mind, I'd like to speak to the two of you in private before you see him."

Esme nodded. "Okay," was all she said. Carlisle rubbed his hand reassuringly down Esme's arm.

"What about me?" I called out when they started to walk away toward the doctor's office. I felt my mother's hand grip my forearm lightly as if to tug me back to where she and the others were sitting. I shook my head and shrugged her off, trying to get the doctor's attention. "Can...can I see him now?"

The doctor looked toward Esme as if asking her permission. She nodded her head once, and the doctor said it would be okay as long as it was only one at a time. Naturally, I was grateful that they allowed me to be the first to see him. I didn't waste any time standing around. I rushed toward his room with fierce determination.

* * *

**A/N: I know that some things may not be clear, but I promise I'll explain it all in later chapters. **

**I'm also pretty positive that this question is going to come up: When Esme is having that flashback, does she live in Forks yet? And the answer is NO. Please remember that they didn't move to Forks until Edward was four years old, almost five, and in the flashback, he is three years old. Also, Alice is his twin sister while Emmett is about a year older than the two of them.**


	6. Chapter 5 Non believer

**A/N: Alright, everyone. Sorry that this update took so long to come out, but I thought that it would be necessary to focus my attention on Forbidden Romance and bring that to an end. Well, it is indeed finished now so that means I'll have lots more time to update this and begin other stories. Once again, I know that there is some confusion because I haven't clearly stated anything yet, but I promise that it will all be answered in the story.**

**FAQ: What is wrong with Edward?**

**Hopefully, this chapter will clear up your doubts about Edward. And if not, then don't hesitate to send me a PM or leave a review asking for more clarification. **

**Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's called Non believer by La Rocca. It's a very powerful song, I and strongly suggest listening to it. Also, be sure to leave me a review when you're finished. I update much sooner when there is praise and criticism involved. Thanks so much.**

* * *

**Chapter 5- Non believer**

_Do you take the non-believers? Cause I'm a non-believer.  
She belongs somewhere else, where pain isn't hope  
And lives get every chance, not part of every plan  
I believe the faithful fell, didn't know their way back  
So far away from home, but brother we're not alone_

_**Thirteen Years Back**_

**Esme's POV**

Carlisle was contacted about an hour ago, taking him away from the appointments he may have had with other patients. I had one of the women at the front desk page him, letting him know that it was an emergency. Since he already worked in the hospital, all Carlisle had to do was walk up a few floors to the wing of the hospital were the kids and I were located. I'd officially been there for approximately three hours, and with every passing minute, it got more difficult to deceive myself into believing that Dr. Andrews made a mistake.

Emmett was sleeping comfortably in a plastic chair while Alice cuddled into her father's chest, resting easily. Edward, on the other hand, had undergone another traumatic blood draw, and a chest X-ray, because I mentioned the fact that Edward had a cold. The doctor's reassured us that we shouldn't make any types of assumptions until the results were in. Honestly, all of that bull shit was easier said than done. I was going insane.

"Four months," Carlisle said carefully to the resident sitting in front of him with a clipboard. Then he looked over at me, his eyes questioning. "Isn't that how old Edward was when he first rolled over?"

I nodded. "I think so." By that time, the doctors had asked us everything from what we were wearing the night Edward was conceived to when he first mastered holding a spoon. These questions confused me, but Carlisle kept answering so I assumed it was what the procedure involved.

"His first word?" he asked.

I allowed a small smile to etch over my face. "Dada."

"I meant _when_."

"Oh," I said, feeling slightly idiotic. "I'm pretty sure he was ten months old." I watched the doctor scribble that down. His handwriting was...beautiful. Every _T_ was crossed and every _I _was dotted. There were no mistakes. "Excuse me," I interrupted. "Can you please tell me why any of this is important?" I asked.

Carlisle was about to answer, but he snapped his mouth shut when the resident looked up from his paper and smiled. "It's just medical history, Mrs. Cullen. We want to know everything we can about your son, so that we can understand what could be wrong with him."

I nodded slowly, waiting for the next question when suddenly I heard a soft voice. "Mr. and Mrs. Cullen?" A young woman with long black hair approached, wearing a lab coat. "I'm a phlebotomist. Dr. Hammond wants me to do a coag panel on Edward." The woman said the words as if I were supposed to know what all of it meant.

At the sound of his name being spoken, Edward blinked up from my lap. He took one look at the lady's white coat and slid his arms inside the sleeves of his own shirt. It was clear that Edward had had enough of all this shot business. And to be competely honest, so had I.

"Can't you just do a finger stick?" I pleaded.

She smiled sympathetically but shook her head. "No, this is the easiest way." She took a deep breath and added, "I'm sorry."

I'm not sure what it was, but something inside of me snapped. "Do you think that's what I want to hear?" I practically yelled. "That when you go down to the cafeteria and ask for a coffee, would you like it if someone gave you a tea, because it's easier to reach? When you go to pay by credit card, would you like it if you were told that it's too much of a hassle, so you'd better break out your cash?" I challenged.

"Esme." Carlisle's voice tried to calm me, but I ignored it.

My head shook back and forth, letting Carlisle know that I wasn't quite finished. "Do you think that it's easy for me to be sitting here with my son and not have any idea what's going on or why the hell you're doing all these tests? Do you think it's easy for him? He's only three! And since when does anyone get the option to do what's easiest or more convenient?" I thundered.

"_Esme_." It was only when I felt Carlisle's hand fall onto my shoulder that I realized how hard I was shaking. The next moment, I watched the woman storm away without a single word, her clogs striking the tile floor. "Esme," Carlisle said. "What's the matter with you?"

"What's the matter with me? I don't know, Carlisle, because no one is coming to tell us what's wrong with-"

He wrapped me in his arms, Edward caught between us like a gasp. "Ssh," he said. "Everything is going to be alright." I let his soothing voice calm me, and the stroke of his hand rubbing the back of my head was enough to help me relax just a bit.

Suddenly, Dr. Hammond, whom we hadn't seen for hours, cmae into the room. "I heard there was a little problem with the coagulopathy panel." She pulled up a chair in front of us. I watched her reach for the glasses she had wrapped around her neck, pulling them up toward her eyes. "Edward's complete blood count has some abnormal results. His white blood cell count is very low-1.3 to be exact. His hemoglobin is 7.5 , his hematocrit is 18.4, his platelets are 81,000, and his neutrophils are 0.6. Numbers like these sometimes indicate an autoimmune disease. But Edward's also presenting with twelve percent promyelocytes, and five precent blasts." The woman stopped for a moment, sighing. "That suggests a leukemic syndrome."

I swallowed thickly due to the fact that my throat suddenly felt as if it were going to close up. The word felt runny and slippery, like the white of an egg. It didn't match anything that I had in mind, or anything that I was expecting the doctor to say for that matter.

Dr. Hammond cleared her throat once. "Leukemia is a blood cancer."

I was one hundred percent positive that Carlisle knew and understood exactly what Dr. Hammond was telling us, but I was as lost as could be. All I did was stare at her, my eyes fixed. "Well, what does that mean?" I asked, my voice cracking several times.

"Think of bone marrow as a childcare center for developing cells. Healthy bodies make the blood cells that stay in the marrow until they're mature enough to go out an fight diseases or clot or carry oxygen or whatever it is they're supposed to do. In a person with leukemia, the childcare center doors are opened too early. Immature blood cells wind up circulating, unable to do their job." She stopped to look at both Carlisle and I, then at Edward. "I'll need to do a bone marrow aspiration to confirm this, but it seems that Edward has acute promyelocytic leukemia."

**_Present Time_**

**Bella's POV**

Edward's room wasn't that far from the waiting room; approximately fifty-four steps if you were speed walking. I took a deep breath before walking inside of the white hospital room, prepping myself for anything that was to come. "Edward's awake," I told myself. "So that means he's fine."

With those words said, I turned into the bright space, allowing my body to be seen. Edward was staring at the ceiling, his hands folded neatly on his chest. My eyes zoned in on the machines they had him hooked up to and the wires that led from his body back toward some medical contraptions. The beeping noise in the room was steady, going one right after another.

I cleared my throat once, letting my presence be known. "Hey," I said, trying to force myself not to break down in front of him. Edward looked away from the ceiling toward me, catching my eyes. He smiled widely, allowing his pearly white teeth to be visible. I swallowed hard, attempting to ignore the lump in my throat. Seeing him like this was hard for me, especially since he collapsed a couple of hours ago. My legs still shook just thinking of seeing him on the ground, unsure if he was going to get up or not.

For a long moment, I just stared at him in the white hospital gown. He seemed to turn annoyed with me so he sat up higher and cocked his head to the side. "Well, aren't you going to come over here and kiss me?" he asked, as if nothing had even happened in the first place.

I smiled, rushing toward his side, bending my head so that my lips could capture his. The kiss was no different from any of our previous ones. It still held the same amount of passion and want as the others, except maybe this one had a little more. This one was filled with unspoken thanks for allowing Edward to be okay. I pulled back unwillingly. "You really scared me, you know that?"

He grinned. "Sorry," he apologized, reaching up to push my hair out of my face.

"It's okay," I whispered. "You're okay now so it doesn't matter anymore."

Edward nodded. "I know."

Slowly, I leaned down and kissed the side of his mouth, letting my lips linger there for a moment. "Congratulations, by the way," I told him. He looked at me slightly confused. "You beat Jacob Black, and you guys are going on to the next round of finals. I'm so proud of you."

I wasn't sure why, but Edward's response to my congratulatory statment wasn't one that I'd expected. And that was shocking. You see, I've known him for practically my entire life, and for me to not know what his next move would be was definitely an odd thing. All he did was smile slightly, just an upturn on the corner of his lips. There was no gleam in his eyes or little dimples forming on his cheeks. It didn't have the same spark as it should have.

The fire that normally would have ignited in his emerald orbs was no longer there. It was as if someone had placed water on top of what was supposed to be labeled as happiness. "Hey," I said, trying to get his attention. My fingers gripped the bottom of his jaw lightly, turning his face toward mine. "You're okay, now. Everything's fine." The words were said to him, but I wasn't sure who it was meant to reassure. Him or me?

He nodded his head. "I know. I'm just tired, that's all."

"Do you want me to leave so you can rest? Maybe-"

Immediately, he interrupted, cutting off my next sentence. "No, no. That's the last thing I want. I just..." His mouth opened and closed, searching for words. He looked sort of like a guppy, the way his lips shut and then forced and 'O' shape. He pursed his lips once before shifting his body closer to the right side of the bed. Before I knew what he was doing, Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me into his hospital bed, pressing my frame against his. "I just want to hold you for a few minutes."

I nodded, shuffling closer to him. We rested on the sheets, not saying a word. The only sound was the steady beeping of the machine, letting me know that Edward was alive and well. He placed his chin on the top of my head, breathing in my scent. I felt his pink lips press against my forehead, and I was content. The simple gesture had the same meaning as the three words that we'd said so many times before. _I love you. _And he did. And so did I. I loved him more than anyone in the entire world, and nothing or no one could ever change that.

*** * * * ***

Everyone was given their chance to talk with Edward while he was awake. I didn't want to leave him, but I knew that everyone else would want to see that he was okay. But as soon as everyone had finished visiting him, I'd crawled back into his bed and ran my fingers through his tousled locks.

He was asleep now, and occasionally, I found myself putting my finger beneath his nose just to make sure he was still breathing. I knew that it was silly, but I couldn't push the knot in my stomach that kept telling me the other shoe was going to drop. It kept nagging me and saying that Edward had gotten off too easily, and there was no way things could be that simple.

I placed my head on Edward's heart, listening to it beat steadily. I loved the thumping noise of his blood pumping through the arteries of his body. The sound was...beautiful to me. Every part of him was perfect, and I could have never imagined that I would meet someone as amazing as him.

The quiet moment Edward and I were sharing was interrupted by a fierce scream, almost as if someone was in agony. I knew for a fact that I would recognize the voice anywhere. I became so used to hearing it. Esme. I heard her crying so hard and shreiking as if someone were hurting her.

Quickly, I leaned down and kissed Edward's forehead. "I'll be right back," I whispered in his ear, moving slowly so I wouldn't wake him.

In a hurry, I rushed out of the room and headed in the direction of the scream. "Esme?" I called as I increased the speed that I was walking at. "Esme!" I said again when I found her wrapped up in Carlisle's arms, practically holding on for dear life.

Her face was buried in his chest while he rubbed the back of her head. She was sobbing so hard that tremors began to run throughout her enitre form. I took a slow step toward them and touched Carlisle's shoulder. He turned his head, glancing down at me. It was only then that I noticed there were tears glistening in his eyes as well. I could tell that Carlisle was trying to hold them back, but he was failing miserably as a few escaped and trickled down his pale cheeks.

Esme was still unaware of my presence. She must not have heard me. "Why, Carlisle? Why?" she asked. "He...he...he's too young. They said it was gone, they said it was...over," Esme managed to get out in between her gasps for oxygen and fierce screams.

"Ssh," he whispered to Esme. "Everything's going to be okay. Just relax."

Suddenly, something inside of Esme must have snapped because before I knew it, she shoved Carlisle's chest so hard that he nearly tripped as he staggered backward. "Shut up!" she yelled. "Just shut up! You're a doctor! How come you didn't see that it was coming back? How come you didn't know that my son would be stuck with this again?"

Her voice was attracting the attention of other patients and visitors around us. I was so confused by what was happening. All I could do was stand there speechless while Esme continued to lash out on her husband. Carlisle tried to reach for her and calm her down, but she'd pushed him away. "Don't touch me!" she screamed. "I don't want anything to do with you. This is your fault!"

I watched the tears continue to stream down her cheeks, and it pained me to see her this way. Especially since I never had. Esme was always a quiet, comfortable woman who was kind to anyone and everyone. She treated people with respect and was definitely not the type of person to shove the blame of an incident man or woman onto them.

But watching her this way forced me to see her in an entirely different way.

"Excuse me, Dr. Cullen?" Both Carlisle and I turned toward a nurse in a light blue uniform. She had dark, square glasses and eyes that seemed slightly annoyed. "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to get your wife under control. A couple of the patients are complaining while others are attempting to get rest."

He nodded once. "Yes, I'm sorry. She's just...a little overwhelmed right now, that's all. She'll try to keep her emotions in check," Carlisle responded.

The nurse nodded and turned back toward the front desk, her sneakers making a squeaking sound against the shiny floor. I glanced over at Esme who was now leaning against the wall with her head tilted backward. "Why him?" she whispered to no one in particular. "Why _my_ baby?"

Carlisle didn't dare try to touch her again, fearing that she would have another tantrum. He kept a close distance but not to the point where it would have been considered hovering over her. "I'm going to get us some coffee. Will you be okay by yourself?" he asked, his voice quiet and low.

Esme nodded. "I'm not alone," she replied. "Bella's with me." Her tear-filled eyes met mine, and almost immediately, I was submerged with the sadness that had enveloped the normally cheerful woman. Seeing her like this squeezed at my heart.

Carlisle looked over at me, pleading mentally for me to stay with her. I nodded once, letting him know that I wasn't going anywhere.

I listened to Carlisle's footsteps as they striked the floor until they were merely a faint tapping noise. I watched as Esme slid down the wall and hugged her knees to her chest while rocking back and forth. Cautiously, my feet moved forward, leading me over to her. I kneeled down to her and immediately placed my hand on her left knee. "Esme," I whispered, surprised that my voice had even come out. She met my eyes again and waited. "Esme, what's going on?" I asked.

She tore her orbs away and shook her head. I instantly regretted asking her because more tears began to fall from her eyes. But I _needed_ to understand what was happening even if whatever it was, was painful for her to say.

"Please, Esme," I pressed. "You're scaring me."

Esme refused to meet my gaze when she began speaking. "It wasn't supposed to be this way," she said, her tone monotonous. "But then again, when does life ever turn out the way it's meant to?" I watched as another tear trickled down her cheek, but she ignored it and let it fall. "Edward was just a baby when all of this began. He didn't even know you, yet. It happened when we lived in Alaska..."

_**Thirteen Years Back**_

**Esme's POV**

Edward had acute promyelocytic leukemia.

APL for short.

My tongue was pinned down by the weight of the question that was dying to escape my throat, but with some strength, I managed to force out the words that needed to be asked. "Is he...is he going to die?" The words didn't feel right. They're something that you ask about your sick, eighty year old father, not your healthy, happy, toddler.

"APL is a very rare subgroup of myeloid leukemia. Only about twelve hundred people a year are diagnosed with it. The rate of survival for APL patients is twenty to thirty percent, if treatment starts immediately," Dr. Hammond told us. Carlisle knew all this but was managing to keep his expression empty.

I pushed the numbers out of my head and instead sank my teeth into the rest of her sentence. "There's a treatment," I repeated.

Dr. Hammond nodded slowly. "Yes. With agressive treatment, myeloid leukemias carry a survival prognosis of nine months to three years." I watched Dr. Hammond pull out a notepad and write down words that had no meaning to me. "We'll need to do that bone marrow aspiration. We'll sedate him with a light general anesthetic. And we can draw the coag panel while he's asleep."

"Okay," Carlisle said. He clapped his hands together as if gearing up for a football game. "Okay."

Edward, who was placed in my lap, pulled his head away from my shirt. His cheeks were flushed, his expression wary. He was so young. He was my baby. This had to be a mistake. It was someone else's unfortunate vial of blood that the doctor had analyzed. I looked at my child. He didn't have the face of someone who was dying by degrees.

He was only three, for heaven's sake.

*** * * * ***

They rolled up the sheet and tucked it under Edward's belly. They taped him down to the examination table, two long strips. One nurse stroked Edward's hand even after the anesthesia has kicked in, and he's asleep. His lower back is bared for the long needle that will go into his lilac crest to extract marrow.

*** * * * ***

**_Present Time_**

**Bella's POV**

"No," was all I said to her. "No, Esme...You...you're wrong. Edward, he's...he's perfect. He doesn't have leukemia." The word felt like a ball of fire in my mouth, burning my throat every time it rolled off my lips. "No," I repeated. "He just fell. He's okay. They're wrong," I said firmly, refusing to believe this lie.

Esme shook her head and bit down on her bottom lip while her tears continued to fall from her eyes. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."

I shook my head fiercely. "No. This isn't right. I've known Edward almost forever, and nothing like this ever happened before!" Now, my voice was rising. I was angry at the doctors for making such a false interpretation. They didn't know how to do their jobs correctly, and someone needed to know this. My hands started to flag in the air. "They diagnosed him wrong, Esme. They made a mistake. We need...we need to...to tell someone so they can fix it" My eyes darted around the hospital halls, searching for a doctor.

"Bella, Bella, honey, look at me," Esme said, forcing my arms down at my sides.

But I couldn't. I needed to scream at the doctor that said this about Edward, that made his family worried for nothing. I had to set things right and make everything go back to normal, the way it was supposed to be. Tonight, Edward would sneak into my room and lay with me. Tomorrow, we would drive to school together, and he'd kiss me before I entered my classes. We would even make love again because I was his, and he was mine.

"Excuse me!" I called. "We need-"

My words were cut off by Esme who pulled my face to her. "Bella, I need you to listen to me, okay?" Her voice was stern and demanding but still laced with sadness. I turned my head away back toward the front desk where the nurse that had requested that Carlisle calm Esme down was now looking at me as if I were the obnoxious one. But little did she know, we were having a problem with one of the careless doctors that obviously needed to be fired.

"Bella, look at me!" Esme demanded for the second time.

And this time I was given no choice but to obey. She gripped my cheeks and forced my eyes at hers. I stared directly into her glistening orbs that were releasing salty streaks down the side of her face. "Listen to me," she said, her voice cracking. "There is no mistake. The doctors are right." She paused a moment, trying to get a handle on her emotions. "Edward has APL."

Just like that, I felt my whole body go limp. If I wasn't already kneeling, I would have fallen to the floor.

Edward, the man that I loved, the one who I was going to marry and have a family with.

Edward, my best friend who taught me the most valuable lessons throughout my life.

Edward, the only person who showed me that love is the most important detail to a perfect world.

Edward, my boyfriend, had acute promyelocytic leukemia.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Esme whispered. "He's been in remission for the past twelve years, and the doctors were so sure that it was gone. They said that they had never seen anything quite like it. So, they ran a few tests and came to the conclusion that Edward had fought cancer and won." Her voice quivered and shook with her words. "But he's relapsed, and it's back."

My eyes began to hold excess moisture while my stomach felt sick. It felt like my whole world came crashing down in a matter of moments. This couldn't be right. But...it was. She'd said so herself. There was no mistake. And that was enough to cause me to lose my cool. I collapsed into Esme's arms and sobbed into her shoulder while she cried into mine. "But I love him," I whispered as if that should be enough. "He...he can't...he can't leave me."

"I know, honey, I know," she said, her nails digging into my back while she clutched onto me.

* * *

**A/N: So, this chapter was really emotional, and I found myself tearing up at a lot of parts. It also took a while to update this because I've been doing a lot of research on APL to try to help the story. I didn't want there to be any errors so hopefully there isn't. I'm majoring in aviation not oncology just so everyone knows. LOL.**

**Anyway, let me know what you thought by leaving a nice review for me to get back to. Thanks so much!**


	7. Chapter 6 Arms of an Angel

**A/N: The reviews for the last chapter were awesome, and I'm so happy that you guys are really liking this so far. This chapter is called Arms of an Angel by Sarah McLachlan. It's a really sad song, but it's very touching. Anyway, continue to leave reviews for me to get back to. Thanks so much!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

* * *

**Chapter 6- Arms of an Angel**

_Spend all your time waiting for that second chance  
For the break that will make it ok  
There's always some reason to feel not good enough  
And it's hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release  
Memories seep from my veins  
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight_

**Bella's POV**

After Esme informed me of Edward's...condition, I'd immediately broken down. It was as if someone had come and ripped the oxygen that was once flowing through my blood stream right out of me. Edward was my life, and if his was flawed, then so was mine. I've said this many of times before, and I'll say it a billion times after: If you took Edward from the world, then I'd be going right along with him. We were the same person and tearing us apart was what I considered the unthinkable.

What made this even worse was that I wasn't entirely sure if I could face Edward without falling apart. I knew that he wasn't stupid. He knew that his APL was back, but he didn't tell me because that's who he was. Edward didn't like to set off an alarm and worry people when he felt that there was no need to. But he was wrong this time. There was a need to.

Didn't he understand how much I loved him? Didn't he understand that we weren't supposed to keep secrets from each other? Especially ones that were that crucial? Edward was my best friend, my companion, my lover, my life. Didn't he understand any of that? And if not, then why?

He was only seventeen years old for God's sake. Things like this just don't happen to people like him. Edward was athletic and smart and a well-liked by his peers. He was kind to everyone and always wore a smile. It wasn't right for this cruel disease to take over his being. Why did _he_ get diagnosed with this when there were perfectly, healthy criminals who deserved to go through this tragedy?

The world just wasn't being fair.

When Carlisle had come back with the coffee for Esme, he'd dropped it once he caught sight of her and I holding onto each other for dear life. Carlisle had come and wrapped both Esme and I in his arms. He didn't say a word because he knew there was nothing he could tell us to make things better. Even if he was a doctor, Carlisle was not a miracle-worker.

After her and I had eventually calmed down, Esme had asked Carlisle if Alice and Emmett knew that his APL was back. He said that they didn't, but he was sure that they'd had there suspicions. He said Emmett and Alice were in Edward's room talking with him about the swim race that he'd won.

Talking as if nothing was wrong when in fact everything was.

"Dr. and Mrs. Cullen?" Carlisle and Esme turned as their names were called. A nurse gave them an apologetic smile and motioned for them to follow. "The doctor would like to speak to you both about your son, Edward." Her voice was monotonous, as if she were afraid to show any type of emotion.

Esme glanced back at me, seeming reluctant to follow the woman, but I shook my head and forced a smile. "Go on. I'll be fine," I reassured her.

She nodded once and leaned forward, embracing me in her arms. I reached my hands around her back and hugged her tight against me. I was afraid that if I let go, I'd crumble to pieces. Again. When she pulled away, Carlisle laced his fingers through hers as they headed toward the doctor's office, brave as ever. I watched them until they were out of sight and were no more than a memory.

"Bella?"

I swiveled at the sound of my name coming from my short, pixie-like friend. "Alice, hi."

I was aware of the fact that she was taking in my overwhelming appearance and searching my face for some sort of explanation. And if I didn't act quickly, she would find it. Alice was my best friend and could always read me like an open book. So, I grinned at her, forcing my lips to turn upward as if I were okay.

And I knew she wasn't buying it. Tears began to flood my eyes for what felt like millionth time today before I allowed them to stream down my cheeks. Immediately, Alice reached for me and took my hand in hers. "Come on, let's go get you cleaned up," she whispered to me, rubbing the pad of her thumb over the top of my hand.

My head nodded fiercely as Alice guided me toward the woman's bathroom where she didn't ask what was bothering me or why I was crying. And that's when I understood that Alice knew about Edward relapsing. She didn't have to say anything. Her face said it all, but unlike me, she was so much braver.

Alice stood by me, rubbing my back while I splashed cool water over my face. I needed to wash away the sadness, to make everything okay. To bring it all back to normal.

Normal.

What was normal now? I wasn't sure if there was even such a thing.

Alice passed me a paper towel so that I could pat my damp skin dry. I brought the brown cloth to my face and rubbed it over, removing the excess droplets of water. I tossed the paper towel into the black garbage can and turned toward Alice who was leaning against the white sink with her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

Her makeup was completely perfect and in place from the way she must have fixed it for her date with Jasper. Her hair was styled into her usual spiky haircut and looked wonderful just like always. I, on the other hand, looked a complete wreck when I caught sight of myself in the mirror. The whites of my brown orbs were completely blood-shot and the bags beneath my eyes seemed much more defined. The tip of my nose was a rosy red as if I had been outside during twenty degree weather while my hair had turned flat with absolutely no volume.

I looked a mess.

"How can you be so brave?" I whispered, afraid that my voice would betray me if I spoke any louder.

I could tell that Alice was gnawing on the inside of her cheek, contemplating on what to say. Her round eyes met mine, and I was surprised to find that they were filled with deep sadness. Even though her tears were not evident, there was still that look of lost hope buried deep within her pupils. "Bella, I'm not brave, and you don't know how badly I wish that I could be. The truth is, I'm just as scared about this as everyone else."

I bit down on my lip, nodding. "But you don't show it. Alice, you're so strong and have so much confidence." I paused a minute when I felt my breath getting caught in my throat. "How can you hold your head high, knowing that your brother..." I trailed off, not wanting to speak the words allowed. Saying it only made it feel more real. And I didn't want that.

"Bella," she said, taking a slow step toward me. "I was the same age as Edward when he was diagnosed with APL so my memory of the treatments and doctor visits is vague, but when I got older, I understood that there was something wrong with him. That he was sick. Edward was the reason why my family moved to Forks. My mom heard that the the doctors here were more efficient and could give him the best possible treatments there was."

She paused once, glancing down at the linoleum tiles on the floor. "And my parents and the doctors thought it was a miracle when Edward went into remission. They said that they'd never seen anything like it especially from a four year old child." Her eyes turned up toward mine. "But everyone knew that there was a chance Edward could still relapse so my parents continued to take him to the hospital for his semi-monthly checkups. When nothing showed up years later, they'd assumed that Edward had fought and won the fight against leukemia. So his visits turned to every few years instead of every few months."

Alice sighed once and closed her eyes while shaking her head. "They never would have guessed that it was possible for it to come back thirteen years after it had been gone for so long."

I watched as tears began to glisten in her eyes, but Alice held them back. "Edward and I are twins," she stated. "And sometimes I wonder, why him and not me? Why do I get to be healthy while he has to suffer with this disease?" She stopped once, catching her breath. "What makes me any different from him? Why don't I have APL?"

Her questions were ones that I didn't have the answers to, and it made me sad to know that Alice beat herself up over them.

"I've known you practically my whole life, and you know me better than I know myself," she whispered. I swallowed hard when I watched a small tear slide down her cheek. "You know that I'm the happy, peppy, cheery one who always has the smile stretched across her face." It was true; that was just who Alice was. "So I don't show my sadness because I need to be brave. I have to be or else who'll be there for my mother and father and Emmett?"

That's when it all became so clear to me. Alice felt like she was the rock that people needed when the going got tough. And in all honesty, she was. I'd gone to her when I received my first period, fearing that I was going to bleed to death. I'd gone to her when my parents were arguing about my mother's ways of disciplining me. I'd gone to her when I felt frustrated and upset. I'd gone to her because she was brave.

Braver than me. Tougher than me.

"Alice, you know that whenever you need to talk, I'm here, don't you?" I asked cautiously. Hearing these words from Alice made me wonder what else could possibly be floating around in her head. She was going through an internal battle that I wasn't even aware of. "You don't need to be so tough all the time. It's okay to be afraid."

She let out a puff of air that was meant to be a laugh without humor. "Speak for yourself, Bella. I have to be tough as nails. End of story," she whispered.

Just as I was about to open my mouth to respond, Alice shook her head and sighed. "I need some air, and I might head home."

Her high-heeled shoes began to strike the floor as I watched her exit the bathroom, no longer seeing my best friend the same way.

**_* * * * *_**

"Bella, honey, there you are."

I raised my head from my knees to find my mother and father power-walking toward the spot where I sat. When Alice had left, I was going to head to Edward's room, but I still wasn't sure if I could face him, especially knowing the condition he was in. So, for the past twenty minutes, I sat down the hall from it with my knees pressed to my chest and my arms wrapped tightly around them.

"Hi," was all I managed to say, my voice cracking and raspy. It sounded like I'd smoked two packs of cigarettes.

My mother's eyes were blood-shot as well. She'd been crying which could only mean that Esme or Carlisle must have told her, too. It was only natural for my parents to be just as upset as everyone else. They'd known him for almost his whole life and watched him grow into the man he was becoming. Sure, my father had his issues with Edward at times, but the look in his chocolate eyes said that he would have never wished for this to be his fate.

Renee knew me well enough to understand that hugging me and telling me everything was going to be alright was not at all what I would want. So, thankfully, she acted normal. Or at least, _tried_ to act normal. A forced smile tugged at her lips as she bent down to where I established myself.

"You're father and I are going to head home since it's getting late. You should come with us and get some rest for school tomorrow. You-"

Immediately, I cut her off with the shake of my head. "No," I said forcefully. "No, I have to stay with Edward. He needs me."

Charlie glanced down at me, and I could tell that he was trying to be nice about whatever he was going to say. "Bells, I'm sure that Edward wouldn't mind if you went home and got some sleep. You could come back here tomorrow after school, and most likely, you won't miss a thing. Just-"

"I said I'm not going home or to school tomorrow. I _need_ to stay with him." My voice was insistent and stern as if I were talking to a young child who just got caught doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing. "When Edward leaves the hospital, then I do, too. I'm not going any time before that. End of discussion."

Renee bit down on her bottom lip and looked up at my father who's face had turned tight with anger toward the tone I'd used with them. She seemed to be having a conversation with him due to the fact that their eyes were wide with expression. My mother turned toward me and smirked. "Even Esme went home to take a shower and try to sleep. Your father and I think that it's-"

My hands went up to my ears and covered them. "Stop it, mom! Just stop! I don't want to hear about what Esme is doing, or what the fucking president of the United States is up to, for that matter! I just want to be here with Edward! So why the hell can't the two of you respect that?" I lashed out on them, my words high and loud. People began to turn their heads but looked away when I made eye contact with them.

Renee nodded quickly, trying to do anything that would calm me down. "I know, honey. We know. We're just...worried about you."

"Well, stop because I'm fine. I'm a big girl, and I can take care of myself. So...just go and let _me_ stay," I pleaded.

To my surprise, it was Charlie who nodded his head and allowed it. I could tell that Renee was going to open her mouth to object, but Charlie reached behind her arm and dragged her to her feet. "We'll call you off school for the rest of the week," he began, "if you promise to call us."

I nodded, completely grateful. My mother bent down once and kissed the top of my forehead while Charlie soon did the same. I watched as they headed toward the elevator wrapped in each others arms, concerned about me.

**Edward's POV**

You know, I'd always hated hospitals, having been to too many of them when I was younger. The scent of them still made me sick to my stomach when my sense of smell discovered that the scent of the building never really changes. It just stays the exact same. Did that bother anyone else besides me? I couldn't understand how most people tolerated it without actually throwing up everything they ate.

I remembered when I was a toddler, I was diagnosed with acute promyelocytic leukemia. We were practically regulars in the oncology wing of the hospital, getting to the point where the staff on duty called each member of my family by their first name without having to even glance at my chart.

I was also aware of the fact that it was back before I ended up here. I knew from the moment my head started pounding like the way it did when I was little. The pressure would build in the back of my head and slowly make its way toward the space behind my eye sockets. It was painful, but they were usually fleeting headaches. I wanted so badly to believe that I was just imagining that there was a possibility that my APL came back.

But then I noticed the large, purplish bruises gliding down my back.

My mother and father wouldn't have known I'd relapsed because despite the seriousness of APL, I didn't want them to worry. I'd hoped it would just go away like it had the first time I went into remission, but that was just wishful thinking. All I wanted was to continue on with my life normally and act as if I hadn't discovered any of the symptoms that lead to the return of this dreaded disease.

Unfortunately, that backfired, and here I was in the hospital being held prisoner by these tubes and machines. Except I didn't feel sorry for myself. No, not for me, but for the others. I knew they were scared, but to be completely honest, I wasn't the least bit frightened. All I feared was that my life wouldn't be normal again, and people would treat different.

That was one of the reasons why my family and I hadn't told anyone here about it.

Including Bella.

_Bella_.

She was the last thing I saw before I collapsed onto the wet floor of the gym after I'd won my race. And I can safely say, that if I died right there, I would have left this planet a happy man. Bella was everything to me, and seeing her smiling face brought zings of pleasure throughout my entire body.

But although I'd caught her smiling and hooting with excitement over my victory, I also saw the shock and panic flash across her face when I stopped and fell to the floor. That image was enough to scar my brain with the worry and fear she wore. And as I laid there unconscious, I could still hear her voice even if it was a little distant. I knew she was there.

Bella was the reason why I couldn't die.

Heaven just was any other place to me if she wasn't there.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the door to my room close quietly. Whoever it was stepped into the room and was practically tip-toeing the whole way to where I was. When she passed the bathroom and rounded the corner, I felt everything just get a whole lot better.

Bella.

She stood at the end of my bed, staring down at me and then around the room. I watched as her eyes darted to the soft, steady beeping of the machine hooked up to my heart and then to the flowers, balloons, and get-well cards that filled the night stand and window sill. In her hands was a stuffed, toy race car.

"I brought you this," she whispered. "We both know how much you like cars so I thought..."

I watched as her breath got caught in her throat, causing her to cut her sentence short.

She knew now, and I hated seeing her so confused and fearful. Her face was paler than it's normal alabaster color, and the whites of her eyes were a rich, red color. The light makeup that she wore was now blotted down her cheeks, no longer in its assigned place.

"Bella," I began, but her voice stopped me.

She shook her head once. "Edward, why didn't you tell me about this?" Bella asked breathlessly, while her feet began to guide her toward the peach-colored chair next to my bed. She hesitantly sat down as it creaked, but never took her eyes from mine. "We're not supposed to keep secrets from each other, especially ones that can have this big of an effect on everyone."

My eyes drifted from her face to her hands. I didn't know if I would be able to look at what she was doing to herself, and I didn't want to see the anger and sadness that was held in her brown orbs. It was too much. And Bella was never supposed to find out about this. At least, not yet.

Her soft hands reached out for my cheeks, forcing my eyes to meet hers. "How could you keep this from me?" A small tear escaped out of the corner of her eye, trailing down the side of her face.

I looked down at the stuffed-car in her lap and then at her face again. She was expecting an answer, but I didn't have one for her. Not now and probably not ever. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, though I wasn't sure which words would be considered the right ones to let out.

"What was I supposed to say, Bella? 'Are you coming to my swim meet tonight, and by the way, I was diagnosed with leukemia before I moved to Forks and I've been in remission for the past thirteen years?' Is that what you would liked to have heard?" I asked, knowing that it sounded ridiculous.

But Bella nodded. "That's exactly what I would have wanted to hear even if it was painful. Edward, do you understand that you kept this from me for thirteen years? Thirteen, long years! How could you be so selfish?" Bella bit down on her bottom lip, trying to fight back the sob that was building in her throat. I knew she was on the verge of tears because she always made that face before she cried.

"I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry, Bella. I know that it was wrong to have kept this from you, but I just thought it was pointless because I was in remission. It hadn't come back so I thought that it was gone for good, but..." I stopped short, inhaling deeply and then slowly exhaling.

"But it's not, Edward," she finished for me. "You relapsed, and now it's back." I was surprised by the bitterness in her tone, but I couldn't be upset with her over it. "Tell me something," she said. "What would you have wanted me to do if our roles were reversed?" Bella asked, her elbows now planted on the side of my bed while her chin rested on her hands.

I swallowed hard, knowing exactly what I would want Bella to have said to me. "The same thing," I whispered.

She nodded, predicting that I would say that. "You see, Edward. Even you would have wanted to know if I had leukemia in the past. Can you understand where I'm coming from right now?"

I nodded slowly, but the truth was that I didn't. I had absolutely no idea because our roles weren't reversed. And I knew if they were this would be so much more painful because Bella would be in this horrible hospital gown while I would be worrying over her uncontrollably. Just like she was doing now.

"I love you so much," she whispered, reaching for my hand. Bella laced her fingers through mine and kissed the back of my palm. "And I'm trying so hard to be strong for you because I know that's what you need. Someone to be there for you when the going gets tough, and I want to continue to be that person." Her voice was turning hoarse while her lips shaped into a frown.

I did the only thing that came natural to me after seeing her like this. I situated myself in the bed so that I was leaning toward Bella. She seemed so far away so I gently cupped both of her cheeks in my hands, staring at her. Bella turned her head and pressed her lips to one of my wrists, kissing me there.

She leaned forward and rested her forehead against mine, her hands sliding from my cheeks to the back of my neck, her fingers locking, and she closed her eyes. I brushed the pad of my thumbs over the soft skin on the apple of her cheeks, relishing the feeling of her skin touching mine.

My hands moved from her cheeks to her hair, wrapping a stray lock that had fallen out of her ponytail around my finger. "Do you remember the first time we met each other?" I asked her, trying to fight the smile that wanted to spread over my lips.

Bella nodded against my forehead, opening her eyes to meet mine. I pulled the rubber band that was holding her hair out so that her messy, chestnut locks fell around her face and shoulders while tumbling down her back. "My mom and dad and I brought a cake over to your house as a welcome to the neighborhood gift," she whispered.

"Yeah," I agreed, nodding. "And my mom always told me not to answer the door when strangers were there. But I couldn't help my curiosity when I looked through the peep-hole and saw that you and I were at an eye-level." I licked my dry lips while a smirk began to tug at my mouth. "So I opened it, and I know it's strange to say this, but I knew that you weren't a stranger. That somehow you and I were going to have some sort of plan for each other."

A slight contented smirk pulled at one corner of her mouth as she listened to the words I spoke to her. "And I was right, Bella," I whispered. "I was right."

That made her smile – one of those rare smiles that was genuine and beautiful.

Slowly, I guided her head toward mine, and our lips met softly, gently. Our mouths moved together, caressing and tasting what felt so familiar and wonderful. I felt absolute warmth spread throughout my entire body, each nerve feeling as if it was tingling and vibrating with the sensation of my lips against hers.

Bella pulled away slightly to relax her forehead against mine. She sighed, seeming to be content. "Come here," I said, scooting over so that I could create a space for her. She smiled and climbed into the uncomfortable bed with me, resting her head on my shoulder.

I glanced down at her and kissed her again except this time it was more deep and thorough. My tongue delved gently into her mouth, in and out, mimicking the actions the lower half of my body would love to be doing with her, but I was more than satisfied with just kissing her. She caressed my cheek with her fingertips, running them along my jawline.

When I pulled back, I gave her my best crooked smile that I knew she loved.

She grinned back and snuggled closer to me. "We're in this together," she whispered.

And I nodded, knowing that it was the truth.

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**A/N: Okay if you haven't cried or gotten teary-eyed by now, then I am not doing a very good job of writing these chapters. Please, let me know what you thought by pressing the review button down there. You don't even have to be a member.**

**I'll try to get the next update out as soon as I can.**

**Also! Before you guys go, I was wondering if anyone would be interested in being my Beta Reader. A couple of you guys have mentioned some of the mistakes I've made, and I'm totally grateful for that. I do re-read my chapters, but I'm only human and tend to skip over a few of my errors. So if anyone Beta Reads or has any recommendations on a Beta Reader than please PM me or leave it in your review. **

**Thanks again guys!**


	8. Chapter 7 My Heart Will Go On

**A/N: The reviews for the last chapter were awesome, and I'm really happy you guys are still enjoying this. **

**This chapter is called My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. You might recognize it as the Titanic theme song. It's a beautiful song.**

**Please leave me a review when you've finished reading! Thanks so much.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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**Chapter 7- My Heart Will Go On**

_Near, far, wherever you are. I believe that the heart does go on  
Once more you open the door. And you're here in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on. Love can touch us one time  
And last for a lifetime. And never let go till were gone  
Love was when I loved you. One true time I hold to  
In my life well always go on_

**Edward's POV**

"Can someone please tell me why the hell there isn't a damn thing on?" Bella complained, clicking the buttons on the remote toward the television that was hoisted up against the wall across from my bed. She sat in the peach-colored chair next to me, looking bored as ever.

I sat up a little straighter in the uncomfortable hospital bed, shifting my eyes toward the TV set. "Maybe if you hadn't skipped school today, you wouldn't have to worry about trying to find something good to watch," I retorted, flashing a bright smile toward her as she sent me a death glare.

Bella shook her head and rolled her chocolate brown eyes, a faint smirk pulling at one corner of her mouth. She said nothing in response, but I knew she was dying to tell me that she wasn't leaving and that was final. She'd been saying it for the whole week since I'd been admitted here.

I watched her from the corner of my eye as Bella continued to flip through the same collection of infomercials and morning talk shows that she'd just passed the first time through the channels. This whole time, Bella had refused to leave me except when she needed to get a change of clothes or take a shower. I'd told her a billion times over that I would be fine and that my parents or Alice and Emmett would show up soon, but she repeatedly said that the only place she wanted to be was wherever I was.

Some of my other friends from the swim team had come to visit me yesterday morning before heading off to school. A couple had suggested that they skip classes for the day, but I'd politley demanded that they go, saying that they'd be even more bored than Bella was. After all, this whole time I was only being prepped for treatments and had been told that lots of rest was crucial for me. Plus, I didn't want them to stay just so they could stare at me and pretend not to be wondering how my diagnosis could have been kept a secret.

My head was starting to hurt again so I sank back into the pillows behind me, closing my eyes. The room no longer smelled of only disinfectant and bleach. It was now mixed with the sweet smell of freesia and strawberries. It smelled like Bella, and for that, I was grateful.

Bella's voice tore me out of my thoughts, causing my eyes to open wide. "Hey, Edward. What's wrong? Does something hurt?" she asked, slightly frantic.

I knew that it would do absolutely no good to tell her that everything was fine so I nodded slowly. "Yeah. I just have a little headache, but Dr. Hammond said that it was normal for me to experience those until I get going on the chemotherapy."

She nodded her head slowly, agreeing with me. Bella had been there, along with my parents and Emmett and Alice, when Dr. Hammond was talking about the procedure that I would have to go under. So, she knew that I wasn't bull-shitting her or trying to fake that the pain was less important.

I closed my eyes again, sighing deeply. "You're really not going anywhere, are you?" I asked, trying one last time to convince her to get back to school.

"Nope," she answered, picking up my hand and kissing the back side of it. She glanced up at me, her eyes full of love and compassion. "Better start getting used to me."

I laughed light-heartedly while she bent down to press her lips to mine.

Just then my mother and father walked into the room, holding my iPod and speakers in their hands. "Hey, you," my mother cooed as if I were a child. "And Bella," she greeted. Esme walked to my side and bent down, placing a chaste kiss on my forehead and pushing my messy hair away from my forehead.

Carlisle caught sight of Bella, just realizing she was there, and exhaled slowly. "Bella, dear, do you ever go home?" he asked, his voice full of concern. "Everytime Esme and I come here, it seems like you never even left."

She smiled and went back to her place in the chair next to my bed. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me," she reassured them.

He nodded and turned toward me. "How are you feeling today?" I noticed that my dad was in his working attire and that he wouldn't be staying long due to the fact that he was most likely working the morning shift today. His boss had graciously given him a couple of days off, but unfortunately, they couldn't control when people became sick so he had to start getting back to his normal lifestyle.

I forced a grin to stretch across my face. "Like my ass is sore. These beds suck," I joked.

Esme and Carlisle laughed along with Bella who now decided to give up on finding a television show that she might actually enjoy. My mother placed my iPod speakers on the nightstand by my bedside and smiled. "Well, hopefully, your music will make you feel a little better," she said, plugging in the iPod.

Carlisle glanced down at his watch and looked back up at me with apologetic eyes. "Edward, I won't be able to stay today. They really need me for a couple of surgeries that were scheduled, but if they finish early, I swear I'll come straight here. You can contact-"

I raised my hand, silencing him. "Dad, it's fine. You gotta do what you gotta do. All I'm going to be doing is sleeping and listening to Mom, Bella, Alice, and Rosalie gossip later. Besides, when Emmett and Jasper come, things won't be so bad," I said, teasing the women in the room.

Bella smacked my arm lightly while Esme and Carlisle chuckled at our playful banter. It felt good that this was still happening because it made me forget reality for a little while. It almost made me forget that I was even in the oncology section of the hospital, and the reason why I was here. Almost.

"Alright," he said, reaching down to tap my shoulder gently. Carlisle turned his gaze toward Esme and Bella and then back at me. "Don't hesitate to contact me, if you need anything at all, understood?"

I nodded. "We got it, Dad. Go save some lives," I said, as he bent down to kiss my mother good-bye.

He smiled back at me and then winked toward Bella. "Have a good day."

My father rounded the corner of the room, walking out just as Dr. Hammond came in. She smiled, greeting Carlisle, and then made her way toward the machines that rested next to my bed. Dr. Hammond was dressed in her usual long, white lab coat while her hair was twisted into a professional bun. The thick glasses she possessed rested comfortably on her nose while she used them to glance down at my chart that was in her hands.

"Good morning, everyone." Dr. Hammond glanced down at me and smiled brightly. "How are you feeling today, Edward?" she asked me while she tampered with a few of the dials on the machine and began to scribble some words onto my file.

"Bored," I answered truthfully.

She laughed at this and nodded. "Yeah, that makes two of us." Dr. Hammond's eyes glanced over at Bella who was sitting quietly just as she had every time the doctor walked into the room. "Still here, Ms. Swan. No school, I assume?" she asked.

Bella shook her head. "I'm just taking the week off."

Dr. Hammond nodded and then turned to Esme who was reading everything that she was writing down over her shoulder. My mother smiled, feeling slightly embarrassed for being caught, but Dr. Hammond just shrugged it off. "Now, as all of you know, Edward's going to begin a week of chemotherapy tomorrow, in the hopes that we can kill the disease off and put him back into remission."

She spoke as if I weren't in the room when she talked to my mom. I glanced over at Bella who was gripping my bed sheets tightly inside of her fist. I reached for her hand and took it with mine, trying to calm her. I knew this was scary for her, and I knew that she would wonder how I could sit here and listen to all of this without even the slightest worry. I knew her better than she knew herself.

Bella tried to smile at me, but it was a feeble attempt. The beam didn't reach her eyes, and the worried creases between her eyebrows didn't become smooth. I laced my fingers through hers and felt her hold on my palm turn almost into what felt like a death grip. But I ignored it and turned back to Dr. Hammond who was discussing what would be the side effects I would experience due to the chemotherapy.

"Edward will most likely have some nausea, and vomiting is definitely a very common side effect associated with the chemo. But we're going to try to keep that under control by using some antiemetics." She paused once, sighing deeply before she continued. I knew that Dr. Hammond was trying not to lose the professionalism that was required when one was a doctor. "Edward will also lose his hair, unfortunately."

My hair would be _gone_.

It was such a small, insignificant thing, but it was the icing on the cake that would allow others to feel sorry for me when I didn't want that. How was I going to face everyone when all they would stare at would be my lack of eyebrows and hair on all the areas of my body?

The hand that Bella had locked around mine was now squeezing unnaturally tight, but I couldn't bring myself to pull away. She needed me just like I needed her. To my surprise, my mother was taking it all quite well most likely because she had gone through this before. After the shock of realizing the cancer was back, my mother had toughened up and put on her bravest face which was the one she was wearing at the moment.

"Other side effects include the chance of developing mild diarrhea and other infections. Edward will probably need to stay hospitalized after the chemo due to the fact that his immune system will be weak. Chemo can also cause developmental delays. He'll have a course of consolidation chemotherapy a few weeks after that, and then a few courses of maintenance therapy. The exact number of all this will depend on the bone marrow aspiration results."

I watched my mother nod her head, listening intently. "And then?" she asked, her voice strong.

Dr. Hammond turned her eyes toward me while she answered. "Then we keep a close eye on him," she replied. "Obviously with APL, we have to be ready for any signs of Edward relapsing. He'll need to come into the ER if he has a fever, cold, cough, infection, you name it. There is no such thing as being too careful with a disease this severe. And as for any further treatments, well, you'll have some options. Right now, our main priority is to get Edward producing healthy bone marrow."

I glanced over at Bella who's chest was heaving up and down at an abnormal rate. Her breaths were coming heavy, and her chocolate brown eyes were glistening with what could only be unshed tears. Bella's fingernails were now digging into my palm, but I didn't care. It didn't matter. This pain, this time, this place, none of it mattered anymore.

I'd be a different person.

So why should it be a big deal?

*** * * * ***

**Bella's POV**

To save Edward's life, a part of him had to die. That was the purpose of chemotherapy: to wipe out all the leukemic cells. Listening to Dr. Hammond talk about all these changes that Edward would have to undergo was enough to break my heart into a million pieces. With every new symptom she named, I felt a part of me being chipped off and then burned to ashes.

Why was this happening to _him_?

I hated to say it, but I wished that it was someone else. Someone other than the man that I loved. Someone who deserved it. Someone who wasn't Edward. Just...anyone but him. For God's sake, even I would diagnose myself with APL if that meant Edward would no longer have it. It was just too painful to sit through that discussion, knowing that there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

After Esme had left the room to discuss some questions she had with Dr. Hammond, I stayed with Edward who was told that he needed to get some sleep. And he eventually did fall into a deep sleep after I'd laid with him in his bed, running my fingers aimlessly through his bronze, tousled hair.

Hair that would be _gone_ after this next week.

Several hours went by, and I decided that I needed to get up and stretch my legs due to the numbing feeling that zinged through them. I hadn't gotten up from the bed with Edward since Dr. Hammond and Esme had left the room. I wasn't sure how much longer I could sit there before my entire body turned stiff.

Standing up and stretching out my muscles, I leaned over and kissed Edward lightly on the head before turning and sneaking from the room as quietly as I possibly could. Slowly, I closed his door behind me so that he wouldn't have to listen to banter of the other patients and doctors. I never would have imagined that after a week of being here, I still wasn't comfortable with the whole scenario of actually being in a hospital with someone you loved in one of these rooms.

I didn't want to think of Edward though. The instant I did, I knew that I'd begin to start crying again, and my eyes were already red and sore enough without more tears needed. I couldn't think of how Edward would look, lying in his bed, bucket in hand, and vomitting from the chemo he would have to undergo. I didn't want to imagine him without his disarry of tousled bronze locks or fuzzy hair on his arms. I didn't want to have to forsee a future where Edward would not be there. It was just too much for me to bare.

Taking the elevator down to the first floor, I walked into the cafeteria, scanning over the different options that were being offered for dinner that day. It was one of the motions I went through whenever Edward had been sleeping for a while. I wasn't hungry, and I honestly didn't plan on eating anything. I was just supposed to look like I was considering it so people wouldn't bother me about it.

"The hamburgers aren't that bad," a voice spoke up behind me, and I jumped in fright, spinning to find the owner of the words.

Emmett. Edward's older brother. He stood, all 6 foot 5 inches of him, near the counter full of condiments His round face managed a smile in my directions while dimples began to form on his cheeks. His dark, curly hair gave him that look of a child who was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing. The thing about Emmett was that he always tried to lighten up tense situations with his sense of humor to create a lighter mood. Majority of the time, it worked, but right now there wasn't really anything that could cheer me up.

I gave him a small smirk and shook my head. "I'm not really that hungry right now," I said, truthfully, ignoring his raised eyebrows and doubtful expression. "Have you seen Edward yet?" I asked.

Emmett nodded. "I was just about to head up to his room, but I saw you turn in here so I thought I'd stop and see how you were holding up," he explained.

"I'm...okay," I responded. "It's hard, but I guess that's just the way it is sometimes."

He nodded again, glancing over his shoulder at the food line before casting his eyes back on me. "I'm going to get something to eat. How about you go get us a table, and I'll be over in a second, okay?"

I opened my mouth mouth to protest, but Emmett gently took hold of my arm and turned me slightly, pointing to a table for two near the back of the cafeteria located next to the pop machine. "Just go save us a table," he said, pushing me lightly in the direction of the two open seats.

I went without an argument, knowing that it would be useless. Emmett never let me get my way. Besides, if we were to talk about Edward then I would remain in the cafeteria for just a little bit longer despite my complete uneasiness with my surroundings. I felt myself itching to get back to Edward's room all of the sudden.

When I arrived at the table, I plopped myself down onto the chair and rested my head in the palms of my hands. My eyes caught sight of a woman laughing with what looked like a good friend. Anger began to surge through me. How could this woman be so happy when the person I loved was upstairs waiting for tomorrow when he would begin his chemotherapy?

I wanted to shove her face into the bowl of mashed potatoes that rested in front of her. I wanted to shake her and slam her against the wall and tell her to stop being so damn inconsiderate. I wanted to tell her that life isn't supposed to go on when the one you loved had a future that was undecided.

But I didn't do any of those things because out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett heading toward the table with a tray loaded with food. He placed it down on the table between us, and automatically, my stomach churned at the sight of it. I had to look away so I focused my attention on the palms of my hands, acting as if I were looking for something.

"When was the last time you ate anything?" he asked me as he began pouring ketchup onto his hamburger and then mustard.

"Yesterday," I answered truthfully.

Well, I guess my statement was truthful if you count a few cucumbers and carrots as a meal. I just didn't have much of an appetite for anything lately so I didn't see the point when people tried to get me to eat anything. They were just wasting their own time and effort.

"Bella, are you sure you don't want any of this?" he asked, motioning to his plate. I turned my head once again to glance over at him sitting across from me. His eyes were filled with worry and concern, just like everyone else who looked at me. And I was so fucking sick of it!

"Emmett, I'm not hungry, okay?" I snapped, no longer caring about keeping my cool. "Edward is upstairs, dealing with all this cancer shit, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. So I'd like to talk about something that actually matters. Not food."

He was silent for a moment, staring into my face, most likely seeing the lack of sleep and tiresome nights that I'd been having, before he nodded his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Emmett finished chewing and then brushed his hands off, leaning back in his chair. "But you know that Edward would be screaming at you if he knew that you weren't eating."

I didn't say anything to that, not entirely sure what could be given as a response to his comment.

"Did you happen to catch Alice and Jasper up there?" Emmett asked conversationally.

I shook my head and shrugged. "No. I just came straight down to the cafeteria. Why? Are they here now?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, I saw Alice's car, and Jasper was supposed to be with her. Did you know that they're officially dating now?" Emmett's tone didn't match the excitement that should have been laced into his words. If this were totally different circumstances and if Emmett and I weren't in a hospital, then both of us would have been ecstatic. But this _wasn't_ different circumstances, and we _were_ in a hospital.

"That's great," was all I said.

Emmett began to play with his food, no longer seeming that interested in it. "Yeah," he said. "It is."

I nodded my head, suddenly feeling tears begin to sting my eyes. So, I turned once again, this time to look out the window while crossing my arms over my chest so that my hands cupped my elbows, making it look like I was hugging myself. And to be completely honest, I was.

"Bella, despite what you might be thinking right now, Edward's not going to die," Emmet said, trying to say it as casually as possible though I knew the words cut at his throat like individual blades.

I closed my eyes and listened to the soft noises of the cafeteria. The soft murmurs of quiet conversations, the clanking of silverware against the plates, the intercom coming on every few moments, paging a doctor. "Emmett, you can't know that. You _don't_ know that."

Emmett pushed his hamburger aside and nodded. "Maybe you're right," he began. "Maybe, I don't know if Edward is going to be okay, but what I do know is that my brother is a fighter, and I've never met someone as strong as him in my entire life. He's going to get through this, and everything is going to be fine because that's who Edward is. He's brave and has the stability that most people only wish they could have. You of all people should know that."

"I know that Edward is strong, and I know that Edward is brave, okay? But I just don't...I just don't know if _I_ am," I said. "Edward needs someone who isn't going to fall apart when he should be the one doing that. He needs someone who he can count on and call for when things get really hard." My throat started to become clogged with tears that were beginning to glisten in my eyes. "And I don't know if I can do that for him."

He reached across the table for my hand and squeezed it tightly. "Bella, you can be that person. You _can_, and you _will_. And do you know why?" he asked. I waited patiently for him to finish. He smiled at me, his eyes serious and all joking aside. "Because you're the reason why Edward is going to fight so hard. He knows that he can't leave you."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so I am a really big fan of the whole Emmett and Bella friendship, and I just couldn't resist throwing it in this chapter. Hop****efully, you guys are still hanging in there. Questions? Comments? Praise? Let me know by leaving me a review to come back to. Thanks so much!**

**Next update should be out fairly soon.**


	9. Chapter 8 Leave Out All the Rest

**A/N: Wow! You guys are awesome! Thanks so much for all of the reviews for the last chapter. They were awesome.**

**Anyway, enough of me talking. Here's the next chapter. It's called Leave out all the Rest by Linkin Park which is actually on the Twilight soundtrack.**

**Please Review when you're finished reading. Thanks again guys!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

* * *

**Chapter 8- Leave Out all the Rest**

_Don't be afraid. I've taken my beating  
I've shared what I made. I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through. I've never been perfect  
But neither have you. So if you're asking me  
I want you to know, When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind __some  
reasons to be missed. Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory  
Leave out all the rest_

**Bella's POV**

On the day of Edward's treatment, he met with a a nurse who was to administer his chemotherapy. He had to undergo a brief physical examination to check his blood pressure, pulse, respiration rate, and temperature. His height and weight were measured to calculate the appropriate doses of chemotherapy that would be required, and he was given pre-chemotherapy medications to dissipate some of the side effects.

A central line was placed beneath into Edward's arm, a three-pronged port that would be the entry point for mulitiple medication administrations, IV fluids, and blood draws. I looked at the tubes sprouting from his arm, and it suddenly felt as if breathing was no longer an easy task. My heart began to thud wildly when I watched the fluids slide through the tube and into his body. He hadn't said a word the entire time, but I knew by the look on his face that there were a million words he wanted to shout out. He just couldn't seem to find the right ones.

Edward already had a baseline EKG, to make sure his heart could withstand the chemotherapy. He had dexamethasone ophthalmic drops, because one of the drugs was said to cause pink eye. He had blood drawn from his central line, to test for renal and liver functions.

I watched as the nurse hung the infusion bags on the IV pole while glancing down at Edward with sympathetic eyes. She patted his shoulder lightly and smiled. "You're doing great, honey." Edward nodded once and gave a slight smirk toward the woman before turning his eyes back toward the IV that was pushed into his arm.

Was it my imagination or did he suddenly seem so full of hatred? He narrowed his eyes at the slender tube that lead back to the infusion bags. I watched as his neck muscles flexed when he swallowed, and I couldn't help but wonder if he was in pain. The nurse said that he wouldn't be, but could they have been wrong?

Along with Edward and I, Esme, Carlisle, Alice, and Emmett sat in his hospital room, not saying a word. The truth was, no one knew what to say. We all sat in silence, watching Edward undergo his chemotherapy treatment. And I wanted nothing more than to rip out the dreaded tube that was stabbed into his arm. It was too painful to see him like this, especially since I knew the side effects he would be experiencing later.

Allopurinol.

Cytarabine.

Daunorubicin.

Those were the liquids that were now coursing through his veins. Or in other words, poison.

His chemo lasted for about a half an hour, and immediately, the nurse removed the IV catheter when it was over. I watched as she checked his vital signs for the second time and recorded everything onto the chart she had attached to her clipboard. Edward's oncologist, Dr. Hammond, was also there. She reviewed the side effects that Edward might experience and how he was to manage them.

Edward nodded whenever the nurse or oncologist spoke to him, but I wasn't really sure if he was even listening.

*** * * * ***

The majority of the next day was pure hell.

It all started when Esme announced to Edward and I that she wouldn't be staying at the hospital because she had to attend work due to the fact that she'd skipped about nine days. Her boss was trying to respect the fact that her son was indeed in the hospital, but he'd turned desperate and announced that work had to be done. Esme said that he would allow her to leave early or in the middle of her job if I was to call her for anything. She also mentioned that Carlisle had to serve the morning shift in the hospital because they were suddenly short on staff, all thanks to the flu virus spreading around. Emmett and Alice wouldn't be around either because Edward insisted that they didn't miss school, just so they could sit around and wait, like I was doing.

So that left me.

I had to sit through another one of Edward's horrible chemotherapy sessions except this time he seemed a bit more...alive. He wasn't as glum as he was yesterday, but I could see that the medication in the chemo was causing him to experience some fatigue. So although he was enthusiastic, his body seemed to be exhausted. But he'd managed to speak a little to me while the process was happening.

When it was over I snuggled into Edward's hospital bed with him, leaning my head on his shoulder. A couple of times he would play with my hands, turning them this way and that that way, right before he would bring them to his lips and kiss them. "Thank you so much for being here with me," he whispered, his voice weak and fatigued.

I smiled brilliantly up at him as if he had just announced that he had hung the sun, moon and stars in the sky just for her before bring my palms to his cheeks and pressing my forehead against his. "There is no where else in the world that I'd rather be than right here with you."

He dropped his lips to mine and kissed me, softly and gently at first like all of his kisses were, as if he was giving me a moment or two to get used to it, before he began adding pressure. My eyes instantly closed as I felt his lips moving over mine, his tongue tracing my bottom lip, coaxing my mouth to open to him. I tilted my head slightly to the side, and Edward took the invitation, kissing me deeply, his tongue slowly entering her mouth, touching his.

I couldn't control my movements when I pushed myself toward his body, moaning softly as his tongue massaged mine, arching against him. I was feeling lightheaded from the way his kisses impacted me. It was as if we were no longer in a hospital room but back in my bedroom at night time, wrapped in each others arms.

And I couldn't dismiss the ache that was beginning to grow. I wanted him. I wanted all of him. I wanted his weight on top of me, his naked skin touching every inch of mine, and most of all, I wanted our bodies to be connected like they had been in his Jeep. The need for him was excruciating, and I knew that only he would be able to help me with it.

Edward still tasted the same. And I knew that he was the closest thing to what the food in heaven must taste like. And I felt myself kissing him a bit harder, for some reason, wanting to find out if there was anything else I could taste on his delicious lips. I was shocked to feel a vibration in my mouth from the moan that had risen in his throat, but it felt so familiar and so good.

He put his left hand on my head, his fingers gently tangling in my hair as he guided my lips with his, speeding the kiss up considerably. His mouth continued to move over mine with a hunger that would not be appropriate for others to see if someone were to walk into the room. It was only when I felt his right hand climbing up my torso toward my breasts that I realized I should probably stop.

I tore away from him, our lips making a loud ripping sound. His eyes were dark with desire, and I was sure that mine mirrored his exactly. The way his tongue peeked out from his mouth and ran over his lips was driving me crazy, and I had to look away from him before I pounced back to his mouth.

Edward apparently didn't take the hint so he gripped my jaw and suddenly his mouth began to move over mine again, but this time it was just his lips caressing mine so slowly and sensually that it could have been considered innocent. So unlike the one we just shared a couple of seconds ago.

My hands were beginning to shake when he wrapped his arm around my waist and the other remaining on the back of my head. Taking me by surprise, he hauled me into his lap and pressed my torso tightly against his weakening frame. He tilted his head to the side, kissing me a bit harder, and ground his hips into mine.

I knew that he was trying to get back to the way we were making out a minute ago, but I ripped away from him again, panting heavily, despite my adoration for the bolt of electricity that was running through my veins. "Edward, we can't do this _here_. We're in a _hospital_," I hissed, glancing over my shoulder to make sure that we didn't have company.

All he did was laugh and lean forward to press a chaste kiss to my neck. I couldn't help but notice the difference in his normally deep snicker to his new exhausted chuckle. It tore at the seams of my heart, but he didn't notice. "Yeah, and I've always wanted to have sex in a hospital bed."

My mouth hung open, his words taking me by complete surprise.

"I'm joking," he said, laughing again. "Well, sort of."

I rolled my eyes while a faint smirk tugged at one corner of my mouth as I removed myself from his body, sitting beside him. "How are you feeling? No nausea, yet?" I asked, running my hands up and down his chest.

He shook his head. "Not yet, but it's probably just the calm before the storm," Edward said.

"You don't know that," I replied. "For all we know, the pre-chemo medication could have worked, and you won't get any nausea."

Edward pursed his lips, his arms tightening around me a bit more, nearly crushing me to him. He closed his eyes, burying his face into my brown locks, inhaling slowly. He did this whenever he was nervous about something, and I was near. He always said that it made him lose his self because my presence had the ability to make everything seem okay. ""What would I do without you?" Edward suddenly asked in a whisper, his fingers gliding along my arm.

I didn't respond to that. Instead, I closed my eyes and hoped. Maybe if I held onto him long and hard enough, things would be different when I opened my eyes again. Maybe things would be brighter, better. Maybe _he_ would be better. Maybe when I opened my eyes again, my life wouldn't be this difficult. I held onto him with the thought of this disease just...going away. I held onto him with the thought that maybe, someone create miracles.

I felt Edward's voice pull me back to reality. He lifted my head away from his neck and tilted it up. "Hey," he said softly, his hands sliding to my cheeks. "Don't do that."

For a moment, I didn't know what he was talking about, but then he wiped at one of my cheeks with his fingers, and I realized that I had started to cry. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, and then I felt him kiss my lightly on the lips. So lightly, it was almost as if it had just been a brush of a breeze.

When my eyelids lifted open, Edward smirked at me once. "Don't cry."

I nodded once. "I'm sorry."

*** * * * ***

It was around 11:30 when Edward reached for his stomach and mumbled, "Bella...I don't feel...I'm not feeling..."

Immediately, I jumped off the bed, running to his side as he stood up and held his head with one hand and his stomach with the other. Quickly, I pushed the call button, beckoning for a nurse, but he wouldn't be able to wait that long. I took his arm and practically dragged him toward the bathroom, helping him kneel in front of the toilet. I lowered myself beside him and ran my hands up and down his back, attempting to soothe him. "It's okay, baby. Just let it out," I whispered. "You're okay."

He nodded once, staring into the toilet bowl. He opened his mouth several times, but nothing came out. It was as if it was only a gagging reaction from his throat. Edward groaned in frustration when the vomit wouldn't fall from his mouth, but I continued to glide my hands up and down his back, reassuring him.

Just then, a nurse came into the room and noticed Edward and I in the bathroom. I turned my head toward her and gestured to Edward. "He feels nauseous, but it's hard for him to throw anything up." I tried keeping my voice calm, but it wasn't working. The worry was completely evident.

The nurse nodded once, professional and relaxed, most likely because she was used to this type of thing. "I'll get him some Reglan," she replied before disappearing just as quickly as she came.

I turned back toward Edward and kissed the side of his forehead that now had beads of sweat building up. I didn't know how I was supposed to react or if I was even doing all of this correctly. Should I have been helping him force it up, or was soothing him enough? Was I even supposed to be touching him?

I wanted to cry and scream and curl into a ball. But I forced myself to get a handle on everything. Edward needed me, and it wasn't the time to be worrying about what was right and what was wrong. I had to be brave and strong. For him and for me.

My eyes zoned back toward Edward, taking in his face closely. It was a sickly white color that was almost identical to the sheer white of the toilet. His eyes were a little blood-shot and the bronze color of his eyebrows was faded and slight dull.

He opened his mouth again, this time releasing any of the food he'd eaten for breakfast that morning. I smiled toward him even though he wasn't looking at me and held his thin shoulders in my small hands. "You can get through this," I murmured to him each time he spit up, but I wasn't entirely sure if I was talking to myself or to him. "You're doing so good, Edward. So good," I reassured him.

The nurse came back with the Reglan in her hand, but I ignored her presence while Edward continued to vomit into the toilet, each time making a sploshing noise when it came in contact with water. When he was finished, he sat up, emitting an exhausted groan while he leaned his body against the wall of the bathroom. I watched as he closed his eyes, tilting his head backward.

"Throwing up isn't much fun, but you feel a little better when it's over," the nurse said, walking closer to where Edward and I sat. "Here," she offered, placing the Reglan in Edward's hand while giving him a glass of water. "Take this. It'll make the vomit come out a little easier."

Edward accepted the medicine and swallowed it down with much effort. It broke my heart to seem him struggling to do such simple tasks that most people didn't even have to think about when they did them.

"How about we get you back to bed. You're going to need some antiemetics so I'll put it in your IV," the nurse suggested.

Edward nodded and stood up from the floor with the help of both the nurse and I. He could have done it himself, I suppose, but the chemo was making his body turn weaker and weaker. It was easier on Edward if the nurse and I assisted him. The nurse let go of Edward's arm while I wrapped mine around his waist, guiding him on his walk back to the bed. I sat him gently on the edge before covering him up with the blanket. The nurse began to fiddle with the IV catheter, placing the antiemetics inside of it. She reached for Edward's arm and placed the IV back into it.

"That should help," she said, her voice kind and reassuring. I watched as she reached into a closet inside of the room and retreived a green bucket. "Just in case the two of you don't think you can make it to the bathroom."

"Thank you," I replied, bringing the bucket a little closer to the side of his bed.

She nodded and turned her head back toward the IV catheter that was now injecting the anteimetics into his arm. "Well, unfortunately, we're short-staffed today so I won't be able to stay long. A lot of nurses called in sick today so it's just a couple of us. But, you did a wonderful job with him, honey," she complimented, tapping my shoulder lightly. "Hit the call button if you need anything else, alright?"

"Okay, thank you," I said, grateful.

The nurse smiled again. "Of course."

I watched the woman leave before turning back to Edward who was rubbing his hands over his face. "That was pure hell," he whispered, his voice raspy.

I scooted into the bed next to him and cuddled against his side. "It'll be okay," I said.

*** * * * ***

I shifted slightly, feeling his hard body behind me, my brain taking a moment for it to catch up on where I was.

We were still in the oncology part of the hospital, having fallen asleep together on the small bed that was clearly meant for only one person. We were cramped but waking up with him, just like I did at home, with his arms wrapped around me, I smiled to myself, closing my eyes again for a moment, feeling the heat from his body surround me like a protective coat.

I was lying on my side, facing the window of the room, and Edward was right behind me, pressed against my back with his arms wrapped so tightly around me. It was almost as if he was afraid to let me go. I didn't mind though. It felt nice even if there was always the chance that he would release vomit onto me.

I didn't care.

Just being there with him, feeling his deep and steady breath on the back of my neck as he slept, made everything seem okay. The room was turning bright with sunshine which could only mean that it was the afternoon due to the fact that we were on the west side of the hospital. I turned my body so that it was now facing his.

And just like that I felt my heart break all over again.

He looked...sick.

There was no other word that could describe it. I wanted to do something, anything to make it all go away. But I couldn't, and that made everything so much worse than what it was. Imagine watching the person you love have to suffer and knowing that there isn't a damn thing you can do to make it all okay. I brought my fingers to his face and traced his bottom lip with my thumb, relishing the feeling of what was familiar even if it did seem a little different.

Edward would still be Edward no matter what. APL couldn't take that away from him. Ever.

I watched as his eyes fluttered open, and his face suddenly turned into discomfort. It scared me the way it twisted and the way his eyes clamped shut and then back open. "Edward? Edward, what is it?" I asked, my voice panicky.

He swallowed hard and motioned for me to move. "Bucket!" he managed to get out.

Quickly, I reached for the bright green bucket and placed it on his lap while he sat up. Doing the same thing I had earlier today, I ran my hands down his back, consoling him while he released the vomit into the container. Every gagging and sploshing noise made me wince back. Not in disgust but in fear.

Edward raised his head from the bucket a little and sighed in frustration before forcing it back down, emitting the puke into the canister. I hated this. I hated this damn disease. And I hated what it was doing to him. I hated that he had to go through all of this when he didn't deserve it. I just _hated_ it all.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Alice and Rosalie walking into his room, balloons and get-well-soon cards in their hands. I watched as both their faces twisted in horror when they saw Edward in his ill state. Neither of them had seen him since yesterday when he first began his chemo, and today, the way he looked, was twenty times worse.

I could tell that neither knew if they should come forth and help me or leave the room all together. But I managed to point to the chairs in the room, encouraging them to take a seat and wait until he was completely finished. Edward hadn't noticed their presence until he lifted his head from the bucket and made another exasperated groan.

I lifted the emesis basin from his lap, getting off the bed so that I could wash it in the bathroom. I passed Rosalie and Alice who sat, stone-faced, staring toward Edward who was leaning heavily back against the pillows of his bed. "I'll be out in a second, guys," I told them.

Alice nodded, heading toward Edward while reaching for a damp wash cloth to dab over his forehead. Rosalie got up from the chair and followed. "Let me help you with that," she suggested, most likely not feeling very useful. In the past, Rosalie and I didn't get along that much, mostly because her and I were complete opposites. But when I actually took the time to get to know her, I saw that she had more than a pretty face.

I placed the basin inside of the bathtub, turning on the water to rinse the vomit out. Rosalie reached for the soap and a towel, passing both to me. "How's your day been?" she asked me. But I knew what she really meant was, _Has he been throwing up like that all day?_

"A little hectic, but it's okay," I replied, scrubbing away at the stains inside of the bucket. "How about yours?"

She shrugged once. "Nothing that could be more scary than yours." I glanced up at her and noticed her eyes turning watery, sparkly. "How do you do it?" Rosalie asked me, her voice abruptly cracking. "How can you sit there with him and not break down?"

I sighed once, rubbing the soap onto a different side of the basin and then paused. "I can't Rosalie. I mean, maybe I can on the outside, but on the inside I'm screaming. I may look like I'm doing it without a care, but the truth is when I see him like that, I feel like I'm the one who's dying. Because every time he pukes into this stupid thing-" I gestured to the bucket, "-it's like another stab into my heart."

Rosalie exhaled slowly, trying to compose herself. She bent down onto the floor next to me. "I couldn't do what you're doing for him, if it was Emmett sitting there. I...wouldn't know what to do, or how I to help him with what he needed."

My head shook once, disagreeing with her. "I thought the same thing, Rose, but I realized that to help him, I need to be strong because I love him. And you would realize the same thing, too, if the roles were reversed despite what you may think."

She pursed her lips once and leaned her head against the wall. "God, how did this all happen so fast? One minute we're at Edward's swim meet, the next we're in the hospital watching the side effects of his chemo." She paused a minute before whispering, "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

At one time I was an extreme optimist, but life has battered me down enough times to temper this optimism down a bit. So why did bad things happen to good people. Well, I couldn't say. "I don't know, Rose. I just don't know."

* * *

**A/N: Such an emotional chapter, but then again, all of them are pretty much emotional now. LOL.**

**Sorry this update took a little while. I've been kind of busy with exams and studying and a lot of other priorities. Sadly, I might not be able to update as soon as you all are hoping, but I'll try my hardest. Thanks for being so supportive.**


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